Now that you might be more comfortable knowing you have gut feelings and listening to them, what do you do about it?
If you’re out and about and meet a person who gives you a bad vibe it’s easy to walk away. If you’ve dated them a few times or they have your phone number and they keep texting you, bugging you, what do you do? That seems obvious, doesn’t it? Don’t answer their phone calls or texts. You’d be amazed at how many women (and sometimes men too) keep falling for it. They can’t say no so they keep talking to the guy. They don’t want to be mean or they feel sorry for him so they agree to meet him (or her) again.
Listen to It!
Ladies, if your gut is screaming at you not to pursue this guy, listen to it. Your gut is telling you for a reason. Please understand, we all go back to the well and keep drinking at times. It’s time to learn from it. Put up some boundaries. Say no! Block his number, un-friend him, whatever you have to do.
When people keep pursuing after you’ve said no, things don’t usually turn out so well. Yes, sometimes they may be a great person but you’re just afraid to take the next step. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the kind of person who sets off your alarm bells. They’re ringing for a reason! Please heed them. If not, you may end up in a thirteen year-long relationship with a narcissist like my client. Spare yourself that heartache.
I know, you might be thinking you won’t meet anyone else. Wouldn’t you rather be alone than with an awful person? I would. If your gut is screaming at you, listen. The more you avoid the “bad” ones, the more you can attract the “good” ones.
When it’s a case of money sometimes it’s hard to pass it up. Learn to say no to that too if it doesn’t feel right. Years ago, I had a rental home. A trusted person met the potential renters for me initially. He said he really liked them, they’re the kind of couple you’d like to sit down and have a beer with. Since he normally has good people discernment, I trusted his judgement. That’s when I got into trouble.
Without meeting them first, I took his advice and rented the house to them. When I finally met them, I was immediately repulsed. Ever get that type of gut feeling? I wanted to run away. That’s what it felt like for me. By then it was too late. They were moved in and paying rent. It wasn’t too long until the rent stopped coming. I had to go by the house to collect it. That’s when I discovered some of the damage they’d done. It was no small amount.
Trust YOUR Judgement, not Someone Else’s
Suffice it to say it got ugly and ended up costing me thousands of dollars in repairs and lost rent all because I put my trust in someone else’s judgment. In my defense, I had a new baby at the time so I was kind of busy, but that’s no excuse for allowing the other person to make the decision on my behalf. I trusted their judgement, not mine.
Lesson number one is don’t solely trust someone else’s judgement. Use your own for the final say. It’s ok to have their input, but rely on yours to guide you in the end. Your intuition will never fail you. Never.
Lesson number two is learn to say no.
Learn to Say No
Let’s say I had met the potential renters before signing on the dotted line, I most likely would not have gone forward with it based on my gut assessment of them. To say no I would have had to stand up to the trusted person, which I would have, but I allowed it. Women don’t always feel comfortable doing that. We defer, we give in, or in some cases we allow ourselves to be bullied into a decision. If your alarm bells are going off, that’s when it’s time to put on your big girl (or boy) pants, draw yourself up and say no despite your inclination to give in. Again, the alarm bells were going off for a reason. It’s your job to heed them.
First use your intuition to assess whether a person or a situation is right for you. Then, learn to say no. Put up boundaries, block people, un-friend them, whatever you have to do. If you get that gut feeling to avoid someone or something, trust me, and trust yourself, it’s not worth it to pursue it. Don’t let them pressure you. Use your intuition on that too. If they’re pressuring you, there’s a reason for it and often not a good one.
Sometimes a situation can be delicate so use your intuition how best to avoid contact with that person. For one person a simple no might suffice. For another person you might have to go full on blocking mode. With my renters I knew it was going to get ugly and it did. My intuition was telling me the kind of people they were. They weren’t going to go down without a fight and they didn’t. It was an expensive lesson for me but another exercise in learning to trust my gut. I’m proud to say I haven’t picked anymore irresponsible renters.
It takes time and practice to learn to trust your intuition, your gut feelings. Once you get it, you get it. Then it’s up to you to keep on trustin’.