…on the other side. We all know that quote. It stems from dissatisfaction with some aspect of our life. We aren’t happy with something in our current situation so we think we will obtain happiness by having what our neighbors have or replacing our partner or getting a new job. We compare our perceived miserable life with everyone else’s and want what they have. Or think that if our life is different, it will be better. Sometimes that’s true, but oftentimes it’s not.
The operative word here is perceive. It’s all about perception. We think our life is bad, so we want something different. We think it will get better if we have something new. That’s how shoppers satisfy their shopping addiction – buy something to feel better. Or overeaters think if they eat that piece of cake, they’ll feel better. Replace that with any addiction. It’s all about trying to feel better.
Feel Better Now
What if we could feel better now?
It is a choice to feel better in the moment. No matter what is happening, and I mean no matter what, we can choose a more uplifting feeling. It’s a choice. Our emotions get stuck on auto-pilot but we have to remember that it is a choice how we feel. We can choose to feel sad, lonely or bored right now or we can choose to find a way to feel better in the moment.
How do we feel better now? How do we stop comparing situations thinking it would be so much better if only…we took a vacation, got a new job, got divorced etc.?
Keep your grass green.
Keeping it Green
To stay with that analogy a minute, why would we need to envy our neighbor’s grass if ours is just as lush and green? We wouldn’t.
It’s a simple concept but one that we overlook. Keeping our grass green is called maintenance. All homeowners know about it. It means keeping it fertilized, weed free and trimmed. Parlay that into your personal situation. What does that look like?
It boils down to gratitude and looking at the bright side. That sounds Pollyanna but it’s really not. It’s how we go from boredom to wonder. Or frustration to contentment. Or anger to peace.
Instead of cheating, how about appreciating your partner? Re-acquaint yourself with what made you fall in love with this person in the first place. Remind yourself of their good qualities. Recall fond memories. A lot of relationships could be saved if people put it on pause a minute before jumping into someone else’s bed!
Instead of making an impulsive decision to quit your job, take a look at what made you take it in the first place. Great benefits? Great people? Good work environment?
If all of these things still hold true, then what are you upset about? Ok, if things truly are bad, then it is time to take action to change your situation, not kid yourself. Most of the time however, things aren’t as bad as we think they are. We’re just bored or frustrated or sad. Fill in the blank with an emotion.
Avoid Regrets from Being Impulsive
That’s when we must pull back and see the big picture. How many of you know someone who got divorced only to regret it later? I do. A friend of mine got divorced many years ago. His wife initiated it only to try to lure him back a few years later. By that time, he had seen her for who she really was and declined the offer. She thought the grass was greener without him only to find out that it really wasn’t.
Sometimes we make impulsive decisions on things where the stakes aren’t as high. Like we think a wall would be better if painted a certain color only to realize afterwards that it wasn’t. That’s a smaller error in judgement or failure to visualize accurately or call it what you will. We thought it would look good, but it didn’t. Chalk it up to experience.
It’s the big stakes situations where we really feel the pain like quit the ideal job on a lark. In fact, I know someone who did that. She had a good, steady job but she got bored. After a few years she realized the corporate life wasn’t for her. So, she quit her job, put her furniture in storage and moved halfway across the country to “clear her head” and hike the Appalachian Trail.
Shortly after getting on the trail, she “remembered” [like how could you forget something that big?] that she had knee problems. She had to be carried off the trail. Ok, maybe the corporate life wasn’t for her, but why attempt something so life changing as move across the country and hike a trail, especially when you’re not up for it?
The grass was greener.
Problems Don’t “Just Go Away”
She thought if she could exit the rat race and spend time in nature all of her problems would go away. No, in fact she exacerbated them because now she re-injured her knees, had nowhere to live and no job to pay the bills. A bit impulsive, wouldn’t you say?
The sensible thing would’ve been to get another job, possibly out of the corporate world if that was the real issue. Or take a vacation to get some space. As I said in the last post, sometimes we have to do what our heart wants, not our head, the logical solution. That is true and I stick by that. Just make sure your heart isn’t subscribing to the “grass is always greener” mentality. If it is, it will backfire because you’re hoping a change of scenery will solve all of your problems.
It’s All in Our Heads!
Our problems are always in our heads.
We can survive a bad job or a mediocre marriage if we change how we look at it. Now, I’m not saying to do that, I’m illustrating the point that it is possible. If your job isn’t optimal but it’s not that bad, and your prospects of getting another one aren’t great, then find the positives in what you currently have. Keep your grass green.
When we make sudden changes or impulsive decisions, we often regret them later because we didn’t think them through. Most likely we were subscribing to the “grass is always greener” theory. Your current grass can be just as green if you make it that way.
Really take a look at your grass metaphorically. Does it just need some more water to spruce it back up? Does it need more fertilizer to make it greener? Apply that to your relationship. Does your partner just need some more attention from you? Do you need to do more things together? Do you need to stop snapping at them because you’re stressed?
What can you do to keep your grass green?
The two ingredients to a lush green lawn are gratitude and shifting your perception to the positive. The re-frame. See things differently and your world will be different. It always boils down to our thoughts. Shift your thoughts to the positive. Don’t dwell in the complaint or envy zone or else you’ll stay there. Keep thinking and making your grass green and it will be. Get out the hose and fertilizer i.e. the gratitude and re-frame. Try it, it works.
Are you subscribing to the grass is always greener theory but aren’t sure? Ask your intuition! It will guide you. It won’t steer you wrong!
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
