Business and Life Coaching,
Ever have a friend who uses bumper sticker psychology and says, “Think positive” when you’re nervous about something? Not only does it not help, it makes you feel worse because they’re not really listening to you. They’re diminishing your feelings. They’re glossing right over your nervousness and jumping right into their solution. It’s a ‘Positive’ …
I Can See Clearly Now …the rain is gone. How about if it wasn’t rain? What if it were everyday life? There’s always something we put off because we don’t know the outcome or how to approach it. Maybe it’s a big decision or a difficult conversation. If we’re not sure about something, it’s like …
Often when we want to get something done, we start putting pressure on ourselves. We don’t cut ourselves any slack because we want to get the thing done. Whether the thing is cooking dinner or building a business, it’s all the same. We try to motivate ourselves with pressure. We think the more pressure we …
A lot of my clients come to me in transition of some sort. Between jobs, between relationships, starting something new or ending something old. Transition can feel scarry. It can feel uncomfortable because it involves uncertainty. Humans love certainty. When we don’t have it, we often feel out of sorts. And that’s when worry kicks …
We all get criticized. And it doesn’t feel very good. One thing to keep in mind is something I learned years ago: consider the source. Criticism is in the mind of the beholder. WHO is criticizing you and why? Sometimes criticism is valid. In that case I prefer to view it as feedback. Constructive feedback, …
Getting motivated when you’re not, let’s face it, is hard. Sometimes it is a physical issue like an illness, depression, condition etc. keeping you from doing what you want to do. Those need to be addressed first before any mental motivation issues. What about people who do not have physical a condition? It could be …
Ever had someone be mean to you one minute then the next they’re being nice like thanking or complimenting you for something? It’s so quick that it makes your head spin! In fact, there’s a name for it. It’s called emotional whiplash. It’s Called Whiplash for a Reason Emotional whiplash is a psychological phenomenon when …
…but far from good. Wow. That can apply to just about anything. Things Aren’t Always What They Seem… There are probably about twenty other scenarios that could be compared. It all boils down to “things aren’t always what they seem.” Which leads me to say: it’s not useful to compare to situations or people when …
Ever want to incorporate something new into your routine? Like exercise or a new supplement to take or meditation? Probably millions of time management experts already know this, but I stumbled upon it so I’ll share it with you. Efficiency Works The best way to add a new routine is to tack into onto something …
Have you ever dealt with someone who you aren’t sure how to take them? As in you walk away not sure where you stand with them because of how they say what they say to you? I have a client who told me about her experience. Then I recognized it in someone I used to …
The hair on our head is something we all get attached to. It’s a symbol of vitality, youth and beauty. When we start to lose it as we age our confidence can go with it. But there’s something else that I want to say about our hair that’s not as obvious. Ever notice a woman …
“I cooked dinner last night, and you can’t even take out the trash?” Ever heard that one? Or how about “I’m always the one who has to step up.” Or “I do all the work around here!” Do any of those sound familiar? There are a million more variations. It’s called score keeping. Not like …
If you were to google this topic, a lot of relationship scenarios would come up. I’d prefer to generalize so that this can be your guideline for any situation. Plus, men miss red flags too but most of google discusses women and relationships. Let me give you a perfect example. Years ago, my husband and …
It’s tempting to think that we know how we’ll feel when a certain thing happens. We imagine the moment. We rehearse it in our heads. We decide in advance how we’ll respond. But honestly, the old saying, “You don’t know til you get there” really is true. We may think we can predict, we may …
Have you ever had that happen to you when someone pulls rank? I have and it doesn’t feel good. Most of us have done it at some point, but the real problem is the habitual users — the ones who make it a default strategy. You’ll know who they are if you know what I …
The other day I had an “aha” moment so I thought I would share it with you, especially since I’ve written about perfectionism before. As I’ve revealed, I’m a “good enough” person, not a perfectionist. However, I do care when things aren’t right. I just don’t freak out about them, and I don’t beat myself …
Right now, we have a crisis going on in our family with our brother. It’s very interesting to me to sit back and watch the personalities at play during this time. One of my sisters, who is not known for participating in the family much, has really stepped up big time. She’s offering classic support. …
In my last post we discussed strong personality types. As the beginning of the post stated, having a strong personality can be very beneficial. These are the “get ‘er done” type of people. The leaders. The Type A workaholics who achieve. The downside is these same traits can also come across as bossy, pushy, stubborn …
In previous blog posts I know I mentioned this but apparently, I don’t have a blog post dedicated to this subject alone. It is an important subject so here we go! How many times a day do you “should” all over yourself? “Should” Seems Harmless It’s common to use the word “should” so it seems …
It’s common to get overwhelmed, frustrated or insecure when trying a new thing or learning a new skill because we’re afraid that we’ll never get it. It’s kind of like a baby learning to walk. They haven’t done it but eventually they do. Have you ever seen a five or thirty-five-year-old still crawling? No. Humans …
…Don’t react! When you are attacked, it’s easy to react. When we are verbally attacked, we react because it triggered something in us. It’s our natural instinct to defend ourselves. Imagine if someone were throwing a punch at you. What is your first instinct? To throw up your arms in defense. At that point you’re …
Sometimes in life we wish we could have a do-over or push the rewind button. Other times we want to hit the delete key in our mind. People like analogies and visuals. So, here’s a new one for you – push the pause button. A client of mine recently told me that she’s noticing her …
A Strategy to Motivate People I know a person, let’s call her Lady A, that is, well, there’s no real nice way to say this…lazy. She’s never had much responsibility in her life, mostly because she’s not a parent and never really had a job. That’s fine if some people choose not to do either …
We often talk about the monkey mind or busy brain. It’s when your thoughts repeat themselves, go round and round in a loop or just many thoughts nonstop. I can’t stress enough how important it is to pay attention to what you’re thinking about! What do you say to yourself all day? What do you …
In part one we discussed how common it is to have regrets, why we have them and what we do with them. Now let’s focus on the positive – how to let them go because regrets are like an albatross. They weigh us down. Letting Go One of the best ways to deal with regrets …
Show me someone who has no regrets. Those people are pretty hard to find if they even exist! Even my mom, who was the most even keeled person I knew had some regrets. I don’t think she let them get the better of her, but she did voice them on occasion. Some of my other …
…on the other side. We all know that quote. It stems from dissatisfaction with some aspect of our life. We aren’t happy with something in our current situation so we think we will obtain happiness by having what our neighbors have or replacing our partner or getting a new job. We compare our perceived miserable …
Nothing means anything unless we assign it meaning. That seems obvious. Let me explain. Letting Go or Holding On A friend of mine is dealing with the passing of a loved one. She keeps kicking herself that she didn’t take more possessions when she had the chance. The fact is there are no more things …
If you’re like most people, when something bad is happening you don’t see it. Like, for example, your partner is cheating. You may sense it, you may think it, but you can’t admit it to yourself. So, you don’t. A cheating partner is a common scenario. I get many readings on that topic. Someone may …
Whether you’re in some sort of crisis, grieving or even recovering from a major argument, the only way out of it is to get through it. To stuff our emotions, to compartmentalize or to put them in a box on the shelf to deal with it later always catches up with us somehow. Oftentimes …
Have you ever had someone give you advice and you know deep down you can’t do what they suggest? Or you don’t believe that you can? If you believe you can, it can lead to great success. If you don’t believe that you can and do it anyway, it can spell disaster. A client once …
No one likes to experience anxiety. Heart palpitations, upset stomach, flushing skin, sweaty palms, not to mention racing thoughts. Those are probably the worst. Being anxious isn’t productive. It works us up, puts us in a bad mood and leads to inaction. When we’re paralyzed by fear or anxiety, we get stuck and do nothing. …
Who hasn’t had to learn the hard way? For those of us who learn from that, hopefully there isn’t a second time. Life lessons start an early age. When children are little, we teach them not to get too close to the stove lest they burn their hand. This is done for their own protection. …
Turn Cyndi Lauper’s lyrics “Girls just a wanna have fun” into “complainers just wanna complain.” That sums it up. Do you know a “Debbie Downer?” You know, the one that sucks the fun out of the room? The person who constantly complains, nothing is ever good enough, nothing ever goes right? Yeah, that person. I …
“You want the moves like Jagger! I got them moves like Jagger” – Maroon 5. Why pick Jagger for the song? He’s got the swagger! Those bad boys can sure be attractive and I don’t just mean physically. They’re cool. They’re all that. They seem confident, but they might be fooling you! They may be …
Have you ever tried to do something that you thought was pretty easy and ended up failing spectacularly? I have and so has a friend of mine. Don’t feel bad if you have. A friend of mine told me that when she was younger, she was fearless. If she had to speak in front of …
Happy People Aren’t All that They Seem Do certain happy people irritate you? Does their happiness seem forced or fake? There could be a reason why you feel that way. And it’s not because you’re a bad person! Have you ever talked to someone who seems to relish it that you’re in a bad mood? …
Have you ever been honest with someone and it backfires? I’m sure that has happened to almost all of us for any number of reasons, big or small. There’s “big” honesty and “small” honesty. Choosing honesty and telling your partner you cheated on them could backfire spectacularly. Don’t tell them and you’re caught in a …
Sometimes we find ourselves in difficult situations, even if they are self-imposed. Maybe you are a care-giver taking care of an elderly parent or spouse. Maybe you are staying in a relationship even though it’s not optimal. Maybe you are putting up with a job until you retire or can find a new one. These …
Have you ever walked away from a doctor’s appointment and said to yourself as you reached the parking lot, “Oh darn! I forgot to ask….?” I have. Many times. But not anymore. Whenever you are seeking any form of help, just remember that it’s basically a buffet. There are many choices, but you don’t have …
You Can’t Know What You Don’t Know That seems obvious, right? But we forget. Have you ever had a friend who was upset with you and when you ask why her answer is, “You should know!” I have and it’s maddening. What if I really don’t know??? Their answer could be, “I can’t believe you …
Don’t let it go! That seems contrary to what I always say, right? Let me explain. Sometimes when we have a fearful or anxious thought or old traumatic memories we’re told to, “let it go.” Or do release work to let it go. Release it. Get rid of it. When I’m doing release work sometimes, …
To de-stress Vacations aren’t a magic bullet; we just think they are. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying don’t take a vacation. I am the first one to say I love vacations! What I am saying is when you’re super stressed out or if you don’t have the time or the money a vacation …
Black and White Thinking Part 2 Here’s part 1 in case you missed it. Do you ever find yourself assuming the worst-case scenario? Or jumping to conclusions? Only to find out later that neither are true? We all probably do that sometimes, especially if we’re really stressed or in a highly unusual situation. It’s when …
Our world is one of duality. Right and wrong. Dark and light. Good and bad. Black and white. And the list goes on. We also live in a world of color. The sky is blue, the grass is green. Cars are red. The black and white thinkers of the world do not see the shades …
The other day a client told me she has lost her passion for life. How does she get it back? Maybe you can relate to that. Have you lost your zest for life? Your passion? Your joie de vivre? It’s a slump. I’m tempted to say it’s a phase but sometimes we lose our passion …
My best friend made a comment the other day that prompted me to write this. She said she’s forgiven her sisters for things that happened, but she hasn’t forgotten. She’s so right. I forgave my dad for things that he did but I haven’t forgotten them. How can you? Something caused you to be upset …
We commonly think of FOMO, or fear of missing out, in relation to social situations. We tend to think of situations such as someone feeling left out. Social media intensifies FOMO because perfect, unrealistic lives are often portrayed. Those with FOMO feel they are left out of that perfect life, especially when compared to their …
Are you a stick in the mud? Or stuck in the mud? Just one little letter change makes all the difference in the meaning. Stick the mud means someone who’s no fun, who doesn’t want to join in the fun. Stuck in the mud means you can’t get out. You’re stuck. You can’t advance. If …
We may secretly laugh at control freaks because they’re so uptight, but really, they’re scared. Scared of life. They’re afraid to do this or afraid to do that so they think if they can control every facet of a situation, then they’ll be ok. They’ll be safe. They won’t have anxiety. Or the big one …
Anyone ever tell you it’s not nice to feel a certain way? Or that you shouldn’t feel that way? It’s typical for people respond to our feelings this way. They think they’re helping. But they’re not. They’re Judging You Really what they’re doing is judging. Or shaming you. Or projecting their values onto you. It’s …
People don’t like it when you change. Ever notice that? You go on a diet and they tell you that you don’t need to lose weight. You get a new hair style and they say you looked great before, why change? You’d think they’d be happy for us, right? Not always. Why is that? Because …
When we’re driving, what’s the safest direction that our eyes should be? Forward. All kinds of things could be happening in front of you so best to keep your eyes forward. To avoid potential collisions behind us we’re also taught to keep an eye on the rear-view mirror. We can’t stay glued to the rear-view …
Have you ever given a gift to someone only to not receive one in return? Or done something nice for someone with no return gesture? I have and it hurts. If you let it. While it’s good manners and an accepted social norm to reciprocate, many don’t. You give them something but get nothing back. …
Who hasn’t encountered a stubborn person? They can be so frustrating! They’re intractable, like a bull. My dad literally was a bull, Taurus. He was the epitome of stubbornness. If he didn’t want to do something or change his mind, nothing in this world was going to make him. 7 Deadly Sins You would think …
Most of us have heard that joke about having a diet coke with a candy bar. Having the two together is a justification because the lack of calories in the soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar. Right? Not really, but if that works for you to justify it, go ahead. LOL This …
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a force of nature? You are. Even if no one ever told you that, you still are. How do I know that? We are ALL forces of nature. Why is that? We Are Energy Beings Because we are energetic beings. As such, your energy can be felt by …
Most of us have been taken in by manipulators at some point in our lives. They could’ve shown up as anyone. Not just as a lover or a partner but they could be a teacher, parent, neighbor, salesman – anyone. How far we fell or how much we lost could vary greatly. You could’ve just …
Ever have those days where you just can’t shut your brain off? No matter what you do, your mind keeps talking to you? About your fears, your worries. “When is he going to call me?” “IS he going to call me?” etc etc etc. Your mind goes round and round looping for answers. That’s the …
“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” – Goethe That seems really simple, doesn’t it? Like so simple that it sounds easy. If it were that easy, we’d all be doing it and we’d all have the life we desire. Some things are simple in theory, but not so easy to carry …
Just Keep Swimming As Dory said in Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming” doesn’t mean ignore it and sweep it under the rug. If something bad happened to you or because of you, it still needs to be dealt with. The keep swimming analogy means you still have to participate in life, just don’t dwell on …
Have you ever had an “oops” moment only to be found out, then later called to task on it? And not just called to task, but shamed and then hunted? We all have oops moments whether it’s making a bad joke at someone’s expense, gossiping, talking behind someone’s back etc. People with a conscience will …
When family tensions run high, all the different personalities come out big time. Like control. If you are a person that likes control, then you’ll understand what I’m about to say. If you have someone in your family who thrives on control, how do you stay sane around that? Give up control. My sister likes …
Sometimes negative thoughts crop into our heads. Or the doubts. It’s not always easy to get rid of them. Stopping negative thoughts can be like “herding cats” in that it’s not possible or it’s so overwhelming that you give up. What You Resist, Persists If you tell yourself, “Just don’t think about it” that can …
Do you ever wonder why you keep doing the same things? Why do you keep picking the same type of guy (or gal)? Why you keep taking the same type of job that you don’t like? We repeat things because it’s familiar, we don’t give it much thought or we don’t like change. The same …
“If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.” – popular quote Some of us aren’t risk takers and that’s ok. I have to admit, I’m not a big risk taker, but there are times I have been. I’m not talking about doing something you shouldn’t do as a kid and risk getting caught by your …
“What and if are two non-threatening words. Put together and they can haunt you for the rest of your life.” – quote from Letters to Juliet That’s true if you look at it as regret. “What if I did that instead…” or “didn’t do that…” That’s looking to the past wishing you could change what …
One way to look at gratitude is to always look for that silver lining. You know how your mom might’ve said, “Look on the bright side?” She may not have realized just how wise she was! It’s easy to get stuck in the complaining rut as I pointed out in the last blog post. I …
Before we can live our life purpose or be on our path, we have to answer the call. Then we get on the path, then we live it. At this point you’ve already gotten plenty of practice and worked through your head game per the last phase. If you haven’t, go back and re-work it …