Have you ever tried to do something that you thought was pretty easy and ended up failing spectacularly? I have and so has a friend of mine. Don’t feel bad if you have.
A friend of mine told me that when she was younger, she was fearless. If she had to speak in front of the room, she didn’t think twice, she just did it. It wasn’t until many years later that she realized maybe she wasn’t that good at it. At the time she had no fear; she had no doubts so she figured “all systems go.” Just do it.
When We Don’t Realize We’re Really Not that Good…
I was raised in the generation of put your boots on and get going. Meaning, don’t think about it, just do it. When you don’t think too hard, you don’t have time to get scared or second guess yourself. And that’s the point.
But what if you really are making a fool of yourself? What if you aren’t as good at something as you think you are?
My friend said she remembers reading a homework assignment in front of the class unconcerned only to hear titters from the back of the room. She kept going unphased only to realize later maybe she made a fool of herself. She wasn’t self-conscious in the moment she was later.
If you aren’t good at something employ the “fake it til you make it” hack to pretend you are. That’s realizing your limitations and doing something to help you deal with them. Being unaware of your limitations is not knowing that maybe you aren’t so great at something.
The Skinny on Not Knowing Your Strengths
In psychological terms it’s called overconfidence bias, a type of cognitive bias: people with limited knowledge or competence in a subject or area overestimate their knowledge or competence in that area. Because they are unaware, they assume they aren’t deficient. So, they “go for it” unabashedly. The end result can be good or disastrous. I guess Forrest Gump never heard of that fancy term, but then again, it was only a movie!
It’s like having a sense of false confidence. You think you have it, but you really don’t. You think you’re good at something, but you’re really not. Talk about a let down! Your bubble just burst. You’re deflated.
Having false confidence as a tool to enable you to get some confidence isn’t a bad thing like the hack. It’s when you don’t realize that you’re not good at something but pursue it anyway is when the results can be anywhere from mild to catastrophic depending on the situation.
The Consequences
Imagine going for a job interview thinking it’s in the bag only to be rejected. Later you find out that you aren’t as competent or qualified as you thought. While that’s disappointing, it’s better than getting the job only to be “outed” as not having the skills to perform. And worse yet, not realizing you don’t have the skills. What a wake-up call! That can downsize your ego in a hurry.
If you ever saw the movie, Catch Me If You Can with Leonardo DiCaprio, he portrays the classic con-man with overconfidence bias. Keep in mind the movie is based on a true story. To pretend to be an attorney, he watches re-runs of Perry Mason. He knew he didn’t have the qualifications but he figured watching a fake attorney practice TV law was all he needed to get by. That’s his overconfidence talking. While that’s absurd, he convinced himself that he could get away with it. And he did – for a time.
If we get in over our heads, things like this happen. We take risks in our car thinking we can pull off a risky maneuver not realizing that we really can’t. Or we take jobs that we’re not really qualified for. Or we accept responsibilities that we can’t handle. You get the picture. It’s great to have confidence, but not when it’s unfounded.
What do you do about it?
Get real.
As in be realistic. Be practical.
The Ugly Truth
I’ve seen many a car speed up to get behind someone only to soon realize they can’t pass them. I could see it. I could’ve told them that. How come they couldn’t? Overconfident and underestimating the situation and their ability to pass. It could lead to traffic accidents if not careful.
Be realistic in your abilities. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes it’s not easy to face the truth, but if you really aren’t that good at it, accept it, then get training.
In college I took bowling as a Phys Ed course hoping to get an easy A because our Phys Ed program was actually very rigorous. My parents were on bowling leagues when I was growing up and won many trophies. While I hardly ever bowled in my life, I figured it can’t be that hard. My parents did it. It’s just rolling a ball down a lane. How hard can it be?
I s*cked at it.
I wasn’t overconfident expecting an A but I didn’t think it was as hard as it turned out to be for me. While it was a bit humiliating, I had to accept my limitations. Sports just isn’t really my thing. Since it was a non-critical college course, I didn’t seek outside help to improve. I went back to the lanes after hours to practice, but it wasn’t like I wanted to be a pro-bowler. I could only go so far and that was that.
If it were something critical to my future, I would’ve gotten more training to improve. That’s called accepting your limitations and doing something about it. Like getting tutoring if you’re in school or mentoring in the professional world.
Maybe it’s Not for You…so Find Out
Just because something looks easy doesn’t mean it is for you. That’s where we often slip up. I sure did with the bowling. Thankfully I didn’t make any big missteps in the important areas of my life. But sometimes we do because we miscalculate the risks and our abilities to handle them. Or misjudge our abilities altogether.
Have realistic expectations. Don’t try to do something that you really can’t. The problem with overconfidence bias, though, is that you don’t realize you can’t do it. Build your self-awareness. Get to know yourself and what you’re really capable of.
In this day and age, it’s so much easier to assess yourself. There are all kinds of online quizzes and tests that you can do in the privacy of your own home. You don’t have to subject yourself to public ridicule, just take an anonymous quiz! It will help you to get a grip on what you can really do.
If you find you come up short, don’t be hard on yourself. Get the help that you need to beef up your skills. Hard work and perseverance always outpace lazy talent.
Utilize Youtube!
Thankfully we have youtube where anyone can learn anything. A tip here – make sure you practice what you learn before professing you can do it. Studies show that many people watch a video, assume they can do it without attempting it first and fail when put to the test. Don’t do what I did with bowling and assume it’s not that hard. It may be harder than you realize or harder for you than most people.
I’ll tell you one last funny story about myself. A year or so ago we had trouble finding a new groomer for our dog. So, I did what most people would do – I watched a youtube video on it. It really didn’t look that hard. The groomer made it look so easy. So, I went to Walmart, bought a dog grooming set and attempted it on my dog. Needless to say, it was a disaster. I have a newfound appreciation for groomers to say the least. And no, it won’t be my next career. (Thankfully hair grows back!)
The point is, the professional could do it easily, not me who never even held a clipper in her hand before! Don’t assume you can do it, especially if you’ve never tried it before. Some things aren’t as easy as they look. Start with low stakes things like polishing your shoes or learning to whistle to refine your confidence before moving on to high stakes things like your job.
Practice and train. That will put you on the road to real confidence, not the false kind.
Not sure that you really have what it takes? Ask your best friend, the one that won’t judge you: your intuition. It can confirm if you have “it” or not. It won’t gossip about you or make you feel bad!
If you want to learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
