“You want the moves like Jagger! I got them moves like Jagger” – Maroon 5.
Why pick Jagger for the song? He’s got the swagger! Those bad boys can sure be attractive and I don’t just mean physically. They’re cool. They’re all that. They seem confident, but they might be fooling you! They may be fun and interesting at first, then that wears off and you’re left with the real them. It may not be a version that you really like.
People that have a swagger, that talk a good game are often arrogant. When they’re cool and arrogant we like them. When they’re obnoxious and arrogant like Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter or Simon Cowell on the talent shows they’re not as likable.
Why? Because they often put people down, make them feel less than and make snide remarks – all to pump up their ego.
Because their egos are actually fragile.
Insecurity Lies Beneath
Often the most arrogant people are insecure. It doesn’t seem that way to those of us looking from the outside, but that’s what it is. It’s their way to cover up their shortcomings or lack of true confidence. Or perhaps they navigated the murky waters from confidence to arrogance. It’s easy to cross that boundary and get cocky.
If you struggle with lack of confidence, it’s one thing to “fake it til you make it” as a hack, it’s another to be arrogant.
Arrogance, while it may be appealing at first especially if it goes along with the whole cool bad boy image, gets old because they are usually the braggarts. They like to boast about their knowledge or talents and show off. They have a sense of entitlement and lack empathy. It’s all about me and look how good I am.
If you find yourself emotionally drained by an arrogant co-worker, friend or partner, it helps to understand their psychology. It won’t change the way they are, but it can change not only how you view them, but how you react to them. Once you understand them, you can detach from their grip.
Confidence vs Arrogance
What’s the difference between arrogance and confidence?
It helps to understand that they are different sides to the same coin.
Unlike arrogant people, confident people are likeable and inspiring. People want to be around them. Their confidence is contagious and you want more of it!
Confident is “I can do it and so can you!” Arrogance is “I can do it so I’m better than everyone else!” Confidence is believing in yourself. Arrogance is believing you are the best and better than everyone else and letting them know it even if it’s not true. It’s a way of making yourself feel better. It’s a way to compensate for your lack of belief in yourself. Arrogant people may actually have better abilities or skills than most but it’s their ego that gets in the way and makes them insufferable.
If you are a highly intelligent person and/or very talented in one or many areas, its’ easy to allow arrogance into your attitude because you are better than most people in those areas. It’s a slippery slope so beware. Arrogant people often lack self-awareness so note to self – pay attention if your thoughts and actions change.
There is some truth in your belief if you are talented so arrogance can run wild. However, just because you are smarter doesn’t mean you are better. Even average intelligence people can achieve great things. Hard work and persistence go a long way over talented lazy people.
It’s Not About the Outside but the Inside
Arrogant people need outside validation to feel good about themselves. They actively seek attention and compliments to feed their ego. They’re often the loudest or the smuggest in the room. Their worth is determined by status, accolades and material wealth. While those things are nice to have, it doesn’t make you better. Yet arrogant people believe they do. So, they crave them. And throw them in your face when they obtain them.
Confident people don’t need all the fluff to feel better about themselves. They are good at something and they know it, yet they don’t flaunt it. Instead, they cultivate team work, partnerships and collaboration. They help bolster those around them versus the belittling strategy arrogant people employ.
Arrogant people tend to be “know-it-alls” whereas confident people don’t try to “one-up” people with their skills and knowledge. They are secure in their abilities, yet don’t need the entire world to know. As a bit of reassurance, acting arrogant once in a while doesn’t equal arrogance. It’s when it persists over time and becomes part of a persona that it become arrogance.
If you were attracted to someone thinking they are confident, you might find yourself later realizing they aren’t at all, in fact they are arrogant. While arrogance may seem attractive, it is actually a turn-off. The person you thought had their stuff together, potentially doesn’t at all. They just look like they do. And want you to think that. A little advice here – don’t call them out. That won’t go down well. They don’t want their insecurities revealed.
If you are struggling with confidence, do your best not to cross that line into arrogance. It’s a dangerous course so have a reality check. The best way to avoid any character flaw is to first recognize that you have them. Once awareness has been realized, change can occur. Then true confidence can happen.
Have a Pat on the Back Moment
How to Build Confidence
Know your strengths. To see proof, write them down. If you’re not sure, ask a trusted friend or family member.
Once strengths have been identified, ask yourself if you believe them. If not, reflect on your track record. Can you see how you exhibited confidence here or here? Can you see how you excelled at something? Having evidence can help convince yourself.
If you’re still not convinced, make a list of every time you did something well even if it was seemingly mundane like hook up a new printer or remove laundry stains. Those things count. All of your “wins” add up to something – confidence. You are capable and competent, which leads to confidence.
When we’re naturally good at something it’s a common fallacy for us to think that everyone is good at it. That is not true! We tend to take for granted things that come easily to us. Trust me, people who are not good at those things wish they were. Or wish they didn’t have to try so hard to be. Take pride in those things that come easily for you. Believe in yourself.
Once you can spot the arrogant person coming a mile away, you might reconsider if you really want them in your life. If they’re salvageable as in open to support and feedback, maybe they’d allow you to help them move from arrogance to confidence. It is a fine line and one that you don’t want to cross.
If you aren’t sure if you are crossing into arrogance or want to verify if someone you know is arrogant, ask your best friend, your intuition. It can confirm what you suspect.
If you want to learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
