To de-stress
Vacations aren’t a magic bullet; we just think they are.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying don’t take a vacation. I am the first one to say I love vacations! What I am saying is when you’re super stressed out or if you don’t have the time or the money a vacation may not be the answer. Besides, when we’re super stressed even vacations may not take us down a notch.
Here’s the thing about vacations. The reason that we want them is because we feel they take us away from our problems. And they do as long as you don’t bring them with you. When you get home you generally feel more relaxed. Until the problems start all over again. Ever notice that? You spend a week at the beach or your happy place, all chilled out only to get home and the problems are still there?
Or you can’t chill out while on vacay because your mind is constantly circling your concerns.
It’s How You Look at Them
That’s because the only way to make them go away or stop bothering you is to make them stop bothering you. The problems may not go away but it’s how you look at them. It’s always about how we look at things. I know that’s probably not the answer you want to hear, but it’s the truth. It’s called re-framing. Change the way that you look at things. And then you change. Stop seeing it as a problem and then it’s no longer a problem.
Sure, you can have a spa day or even a spa day at home. You can do all the things that you love to do or utilize your go-to de-stressors like listening to music, dancing, working out etc. For sure, keep doing them. But, like a vacation, you can listen to your favorite tunes for an hour or meditate only to stop and the concerns, worries, problems all come rushing back in. Your mindset has to change or else you’re putting Band-Aids on your stress.
Keeping your head down and focusing on what you need to do works…until it doesn’t. That’s called ignoring and it only works for so long. Eventually stress catches up with you one way or another. Things left undone, loose ends not tied up etc. until it possibly affects your health. It may not be serious but annoying things like not sleeping well, headaches, hair loss etc. Those are your warning signs. Time to take a giant chill pill and re-frame.
How Does the Re-Frame Work?
A re-frame is another way to look at the issue. It’s a way to step back and be neutral, to see the situation differently. By doing so, it takes the sting, irritation, frustration, anger etc. out of what’s bothering you.
Classic example, “Life is hard.” That’s reminiscent of the quintessential question – “Is the glass half empty or half full?” Yes, life can be hard, no doubt about it. But why continually say that? In all honestly it doesn’t make you feel better. Instead, it repeats the message and results in making you feel worse. If you have to give in to that then amend it by saying, “Life can be hard sometimes.” Or “Life is hard today, but tomorrow it will be better.”
Another one: “He/she is so annoying because…” Whatever comes after the “because” doesn’t matter because you are letting it annoy you. Depending on what it is sure you can leave the room, you can talk to them another time etc. But what happens when it occurs again? Will you get annoyed again? Unless it was a one-off situation, then yes, you probably will.
When someone says or does something it’s always up to us how we respond or react. Reacting is using negative emotions. Responding is being calm and neutral. If you can’t be calm and neutral, even if you’ve tried the re-frame, then yes, remove yourself from the situation until you can be calm.
“Calgon, Take Me Away!”
Maybe today is the day you do that vacation at home. Take an hour soaking in the bath or pounding the pavement, whatever floats your boat. If you use the “vacation at home” technique wisely, it will produce results. Meaning use that hour or day to calm down and re-frame. Try not to use the time replaying the situation so much that you can’t calm down. Resist the temptation to call someone to vent. Don’t use the time just to ignore it either. Instead, work on calming down. Use your favorite relaxation or de-stress techniques. Then re-frame it.
How can you see it differently? Let go of the blame, the judgement, the anger etc. Step back. Whoever is annoying you is only human too. That doesn’t mean let them off the hook for their bad behavior. It means don’t let them upset you. It doesn’t mean forgive them if you don’t want to. It means don’t let them get to you. Don’t let them ruin your day! They know no better. [If you didn’t see my post on that topic, you can FIND IT HERE.]
Just like a real vacation, the vacation at home only works if you let it. If you go back to work the next day or see the other person and you’re upset all over again, then it didn’t work. It was a temporary fix. At least you didn’t spend a lot of money going somewhere exotic!
It’s not easy to re-frame because we want to hold onto the anger, hurt, frustration etc. It makes us feel justified. “They did this so therefore I’m mad…” “They caused me to be mad!” No, you caused yourself to be mad. Yes, their behavior may be infuriating, but you don’t have to let it infuriate you.
It can take years to master the re-frame for old dynamics in families or long-term relationships because the hurt or anger is so deeply embedded. Or it can take minutes if you’re willing to try it. And keep on trying it.
Then you can take your vacation and really enjoy it!
If you’re not sure how to re-frame something, your best source of information is yourself! Ask your intuition. Your intuition knows you best!
If you don’t know what your intuition is saying to you, then it’s time to learn. It truly is your super power, your best gift. It won’t steer you wrong – when you listen and execute!
Do you want to learn to develop your super power? CLICK HERE to find out more.
Many of my clients have said that they want to learn how to develop their intuition. Because of that, I developed this easy-to-follow do it at your own pace, online course. It’s packed with tips, hacks and how-to exercises.
If you want to confirm that you have it, learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it start by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself and get what you want out of life!
CLICK HERE to find out more
