Lately I’ve suffered a few big losses. At the end of the day the question of “why” I have to go through them doesn’t matter. The fact remains that it’s happening. Besides, they’re out of my control [deaths] so I can’t even waste my time beating myself up with what could I have done better?
When life throws us a bunch of curve balls it’s tempting to ask why is this happening to me. Or worse yet, sing the victim song of “Why me?”
Our brain wants to search for answers. We think if we know why we can suffer less. Sometimes that’s true, but oftentimes it’s not. Searching for answers keeps our mind occupied so it doesn’t have to deal with what’s in front of us.
Past Lives Don’t Always Have All the Answers
People often come to me with big issues and then ask if they had a past life that may be causing them. Sometimes there is a correlation and it helps to know. Really the more important questions should be what do I do about it? How do I get through this? How can I make my life better? Not focusing on what caused it.
Recently a woman came to me for a past life reading. That was her intention. However, I immediately picked up that she was in distress even though she didn’t say a word about it. It turned out she was going through a heart-breaking break-up. Not only was she distraught over losing a man she loves, she was adding to her agony knowing she partially and unintentionally caused it.
Her question about her past life only came up with ten minutes left in our session. Her guides felt like our time was best used helping her with her anguish. Maybe she did inadvertently cause the break-up. Maybe she didn’t. That wasn’t the point. By the time we got to her past life that wasn’t the point either. Again, her guides felt like she needed to be dealing with the present, not what happened with him or a past life. While that may be interesting to know, they felt it wasn’t relevant to what she needed now. Right now she needed to heal, to be able to move on, to live without tears.
Do Next Steps Next
When we’re going through a hard time, why doesn’t matter. What does matter is your next step. As the experts always say, deal with what’s in front of you. Don’t worry about the rest. Yes, it’s helpful to know if you have patterns that keep causing your misfortunes so you can put an end to them. But once you’re in them your time is better spent figuring out how to get out of them. After you’re out of the crisis you can go back and unravel it if you feel you still need to.
How do you help yourself feel better? How do you repair your relationship? How do you pay someone back for money you borrowed? How do you prevent yourself from getting fired? Those types of issues are what needs to be focused on first, not why you keep doing it. It’s like triage in the emergency room – stop the bleeding first, then figure out what’s causing it if it isn’t obvious. Deal with what’s most important first.
Don’t try to figure out the lessons you need to learn when you’re in the midst of emotional pain. Either you won’t get the answers or not the accurate ones. Your mind is too clouded. Focus on what needs to be done to get out of it, not why you got in it. Why it happened or any lessons to be learned don’t need to be addressed right now.
When we’re in pain instinctively we want to get out of it. Searching for answers, beating ourselves up or blaming ourselves or others are all just distractions that keep us from moving forward. We may think they keep us out of pain but actually, they keep us in it. The more we discuss it or ruminate on it the more we are keeping it top of mind. It can’t go away if we’re always thinking about it.
Move Forward, not Back
What’s one way to stop thinking about it? Get moving. Start spending your brain power on solutions. Get your game plan. Do some googling, talk to people.
For the lady who was in distress over the break-up her guides recommended she work on forgiving herself next. As much as she wanted it, now wasn’t the time to approach a reconciliation because he wasn’t open to it. She can’t change how he feels but she can change herself.
She can change her reactions to herself and to him. She can stop blaming herself. Ok, maybe she did kinda cause the break-up, but beating herself up over it wasn’t getting her anywhere. It kept her stuck in her sorrow.
Knowing why she did it wasn’t helping either. It happened. How can she help herself feel better? How can she stop crying? How can she stop wondering if he’ll come back to her? Those are the questions needing to be addressed. True reconciliations are more likely to happen when both people are in a better place. Not stuck in tears or blame.
Bottom line for her: work on herself. Get herself in a better place emotionally, whatever that looks like for her. Get her mind off of him and onto her recovery. After that, it might open a door for him.
What’s Next?
Currently I have a friend tied up in some legal drama. She paid a lot of money to who she discovered was the wrong attorney. She could spend a lot of time beating herself up for choosing the wrong one or wasting a ton of money. But where does that get her?
Instead of getting bogged down and stuck questioning herself she found her solution – the right attorney who can win her case. Focus on that now, not the past of choosing the wrong guy initially. Yes, it was a lot of money. Yes, you could call it a “costly mistake.” Yes, she regrets losing that much money with no results. That was a big pill to swallow. But it’s done. To keep on questioning is to keep staying stuck.
Whenever she reverts to beating herself up over a bad decision, now she reminds herself that it’s over, she’s moving on. The best way forward is just that – forward. Not backwards analyzing the past or asking why it happened. Or investigating a past life for the cause. Those things can keep us stuck. The past is backwards movement, dealing with now is forward movement
Deal with what’s in front of you. The rest will reveal itself if it needs to. Maybe you aren’t ready for those answers right now. If you’re stuck in why, you can’t ask, “What’s next?”
Be like Winnie the Pooh and ask, “I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” Be open to new possibilities so that you can move forward. Leave the “why” in the past.
Are you questioning too much? Are looking for answers that aren’t helping? Ask your best friend, the one that won’t judge you: your intuition. It will be honest with you. And give you suggestions to move through it if you ask.
If you want to learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
