Questions Can Be Useful
“If you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask!” That’s a common phrase we hear. When it comes to advice, that sure holds true.
But what about when you ask yourself questions?
We shy away from asking ourselves questions for the same reason – we often don’t want to know the answer. Most of us don’t like to probe into the depths of our psychology. Instead, we keep checking off our to-do list or keep showing up for work. We don’t really care why we’re not doing something, we just want to get it done.
But sometimes we hit a wall. We lose our motivation. We keep getting let go or broken up with. Until it becomes a giant, obvious problem or it starts to cause pain, we usually just keep on going. That’s like putting a patch or a Band-Aid on something. It’s not really solving the problem, it’s just fixing what needs to be fixed so we can move on.
When in Doubt…
When we can’t accomplish something oftentimes it’s because of that pesky thing called doubt. What do we do when doubt kicks in? Again, we usually keep moving. We ignore it. Or deny it. We don’t deal with it.
Some people might try affirmations to counter the doubt. We talked about affirmations before. [CLICK HERE for that post.] They’re good and bad. The “bad” part is if we doubt the affirmation, our brain isn’t likely to accept it. In that case we needn’t have bothered. Our doubt cancelled out the positive affects of the affirmation. That’s when you have to work on your beliefs to truly embrace the affirmation.
Another way around the doubt is to question yourself. Yes, I know, I said above we don’t like to question ourselves. We’re perfect after all, so why do we need to question our performance or losses, right? The thing is, none of us are perfect.
When we doubt, we’re putting up resistance. We’re slowing ourselves down. We’re not open. To open ourselves back up so we can move forward, try questioning yourself instead. Not the judgy type of question, “Why am I being so stupid?” or “Why am I such a loser?” That doesn’t help. That only makes you feel worse because you labelled yourself something negative.
Ask Open Questions
Instead ask a more open question such as, “Who am I being?” This will up your awareness so you can identify your behavior. Questions help you un-block yourself and let go of the resistance.
For example, let’s say your stuck on a project for work. You can’t seem to move forward with it for whatever reason. Ask yourself, “Who am I being?” Notice who you’re being, how you’re acting. Are you being stubborn? Are you letting your anger get the best of you? Are you overwhelmed?
Specific questions will help you zone in on what’s going on. If you’re stuck because you’re mad at your co-worker, that’s great, now you’ve identified the block. Now you can tackle that. Why are you mad at her? How can you move past it? Look for the solution.
When I’m stuck with my writing, I find that I can’t force it. Writing isn’t something I can force. Well, if I do, it doesn’t turn out so well, just like with anything you try to force. Instead I ask myself why am I stuck? What can I do to get un-stuck?
Sometimes there’s nothing I can do to get un-stuck because physically I don’t feel so great. That’s when I’ve learned to be ok with not writing today. I let myself off the hook. We can’t feel good and be productive every day. We all have a bad day sometimes. When that happens, I give myself permission to feel bad and move on.
That took several years of me learning this BTW. It didn’t happen overnight. I was so conditioned to “go, go, go” and “work, work, work” like so many of us. Creative work, however, doesn’t lend itself well to forcing and pushing. It happens when it happens. You can do things to help it happen, but if you really aren’t doing well that day, well, then let it go. Do it another day. It really is ok to put it off.
When You Don’t Want to
Other days I feel fine physically, I just don’t want to do it. That’s when I have to dig deep and look in the mirror and ask the hard question: why? Who am I being that I’m resisting? Once I get that answer I can work with it. I can turn it around. I can find a solution. Just like you can when you come up against that wall of resistance.
Once I find my block and find a way out of it then I can use an affirmation to help me get past it. Oftentimes I find I don’t need to use an affirmation, but that’s just me. If they work for you, use them. If they help boost your confidence, use them.
Let’s say guys (or gals) keep breaking up with you and you don’t know why. You just keep getting ditched. It’s easy to fall into the pity party and “poor me” yourself into a few glasses of wine or head for the ice cream. As we all know, those things feel good at the time, but invariably, we regret them, if for no other reason than the scale keeps moving up. They’re a temporary feel-good solution at best and mind numbing, weight gaining habit at worst.
Move past the pity party then. It serves no purpose. You don’t need to go full-on therapy either (unless you really want to and feel there are much deeper issues at play). Just ask yourself why. Who was I being with that person? How was I acting?
If you dig enough, you’ll get your answer.
You Have All of the Answers Already!
If you don’t, ask your intuition. It will tell you. Our intuition can bypass therapy, coaching and everything else. It knows the answers. When I ask myself those questions and don’t get an answer then I call on my intuition to enlighten me. If you know how to use your intuition then you’ll know that sometimes you don’t get the answer right away for a variety of reasons. Don’t give up, keep asking.
Once you know why guys keep dumping you then you can get out of the pity party mode and into turn-it-around mode. Now you have the insight, now you can apply it.
If your answer was that you’re too needy then turn that around. Get some confidence going. Use those affirmations to boost it. Do whatever it takes to boost your confidence.
All it takes are some simple questions to break the impasse. Questions open your mind so that the answers can flow in. Questions work when convincing yourself fails. Use them to get yourself un-stuck and gain insights.
That’s a quicker and easier way to solve your problems, isn’t it? I thought so.
If you’re life isn’t working out so great and you want it to get better, listening to your intuition to guide you is the key. Find out how to identify your intuition, how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how well your life works out! Then you can truly get what you want in life. CLICK HERE to find out more!
