A lot of my clients come to me in transition of some sort. Between jobs, between relationships, starting something new or ending something old. Transition can feel scarry. It can feel uncomfortable because it involves uncertainty. Humans love certainty. When we don’t have it, we often feel out of sorts. And that’s when worry kicks in.
The ‘What If’ Game
Then we play the ‘what if’ game trying to figure out what will occur.
- What if this happens?
- What if this doesn’t happen?
- What if this doesn’t work out?
We can spin endless permutations to worry about. We can spend countless hours wrapped up in worry. But none of those are productive. They can leave us feeling depleted and generate more uncertainty, the opposite of what we want.
That’s when I use one of my favorite tools. When I’m worried I remind myself: There is as much chance of it not happening as it will. It’s looking at the glass half-full vs half empty.
Control Only Yourself
While you can’t control something like you’re about to lose your job, there’s a good chance that you’ll find a new one. Because you can control that. While you may not have wanted a break-up, there’s a good chance that you’ll find someone new.
We can’t change or control others or most situations, but we can change ourselves. The way we think, feel or act. We can control those, not the rest.
The way I change myself is how I look at things. That’s why I came up with the tool that as likely as it is to happen, it’s also likely it won’t. Or vice versa. That takes the pressure off thinking only the worst or undesirable thing will happen. And it opens us up to possibilities. We tend to think of worst-case scenarios, but what if something better or different could take place?
For people pining away thinking they won’t find ‘the one’ there’s as much chance they won’t as they will. For someone wanting a new job there’s as much chance they’ll get it as they won’t.
If you don’t get what you want, then try changing the way you think, feel or act. That shifts the energy. It moves the chess pieces on the board opening us up to new and different outcomes. There’s more than one way to play chess just like there’s more than one way things can work out.
We’re human. Our brains want certainty, guarantees. But sometimes we can’t get that. All we have is ourselves. Our hope, our belief, our outlook.
Get Curious
If you can’t stretch to excitement about your uncertain future, or you’re not an adventurous person by nature, try curiosity. Like Winnie the pooh asked, “I wonder what will happen today?” Get curious about what new, different or exciting thing could happen today. Be open to it. If we’re not open to it, then we limit ourselves.
A difficult situation can be looked at like, ‘I wonder how this will work out?’ That takes the pressure off trying to control or worry over the outcome. That doesn’t mean taking your hands off the wheel and not take inspired action. It means keep taking appropriate action that feels good, then let it go. Be open.
That’s what living in the flow is about. Not worrying or controlling outcomes. Keep being mindful, keep your goal in sight, just don’t try to force or push or worry about it. Do your part, then let it be.
Let your higher self, your inner self, the Universe, guide you. Listen to the whispers of your soul, take advice if it feels right, brainstorm ideas and most importantly trust your inner guidance. Your soul always wants you to be at peace. Not be caught up in all the ‘what ifs.’
The ‘what ifs’ wear us down. The possibilities open us up.
Be Open to Possibilities
If coming up with positive possibilities is too much to ask right now, then start with what you don’t want to happen. We almost always know what we don’t want. Sometimes coming up with what we want is harder, believe it or not.
Write down or type everything you don’t want. It could be two things; it could be twenty. Then one by one, turn them around. “I don’t want to be unemployed” turns into “I want to get a job.” Or build a business or whatever the case may be.
Resist the temptation to rank them according to likelihood of occurring or not. If it’s not very likely, then leave it off the list if that makes you feel better. Sometimes the things with the smallest percentages end up being the most likely to happen. Things can change; you can change. If it’s what you really want, leave it on your list.
This isn’t about forcing a change. It’s about putting it out there what you want to happen, maintaining an attitude of possibility, taking inspired action, then letting it go. The more you can leave what you don’t want to happen out of your mind, the less likely it will happen. Or at least take you out of worry. Worry feels heavy. Curiosity feels lighter. I know which one I’m choosing!
Be Playful
Make a game of it. Start thinking about all the good things that could happen – from silly to extreme, it doesn’t matter. It allows your brain to start being open to the positive. If you’re a betting person, make bets with yourself about how likely something is to happen. A word of caution, don’t get too attached to the outcome or the percentages. It’s all for fun.
We never know what tomorrow brings, but we can help shape it with a curious and positive attitude. We often don’t know if something will transpire, but the less we dwell on it, the more it takes us out of anxiety. Then transition feels more fun instead of stress inducing.
Anxiety is like having tunnel vision. We only see what we don’t want to happen. Being open to possibility is taking the blinders off. It’s like a horse that wears blinders, so it won’t get distracted. When you want to be open to what life can bring, by all means, take those blinders off. Allow yourself to be open to any and everything good. Life is a twisty turny road; we never know where it’s taking us for sure. But you can enjoy the ride!
Want some insight on this? Then USE YOUR SUPERPOWER! YOUR INTUITION! It will give you the answers and never steer you wrong!
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