In part one we discussed how common it is to have regrets, why we have them and what we do with them. Now let’s focus on the positive – how to let them go because regrets are like an albatross. They weigh us down.
Letting Go
One of the best ways to deal with regrets is to ask yourself what you learned. Seeing the lesson can help you move on because now there’s a sense of closure. If you gave away a sentimental item, you learned how important it was and how you don’t do that again. You can’t replace the item so don’t repeat the mistake. Think twice before giving away any more sentimental items.
Find the lesson in your regret. Then act on it. Correct the mistake, make a better choice next time, don’t repeat the things you regret. The more we repeat the same mistake or destructive behavior the more we end up regretting it later.
If you didn’t save enough money when you were younger, it’s not too late to do it now. Start with finding out why you didn’t save when you were younger to identify your obstacle. If you don’t know how to save money, then educate yourself. If money intimidates you, then make peace with that. If you’re just lazy, then let your bank account balance motivate you.
If talking to your boss like that got you fired, then you saw where you crossed the line. Now you know, don’t do that with the next boss. If cheating on your partner ended with an unwanted divorce, I don’t have to spell out the lesson in that one.
The lessons are what help us to grow if we choose to act on it.
Your Work
Ask yourself why you made the choice that you made. When you start to unpack it, then the nugget, the valuable piece of information, appears. This nugget can help prevent you from repeating the same decision which caused you so much distress and is stopping you from moving on now.
If you chose not to speak to a family member before they passed due to anger and now regret it, then you know don’t repeat that. Once someone has passed the opportunity will never reappear. Hindsight is 20/20 so use it to your advantage.
Examining your motivation can help you see other factors at play which could allow you to ease off of yourself. And help you to realize if you’re in the same situation again, don’t do it this time. It didn’t work the first time, so it probably won’t work the second time. If a second chance comes around to correct something that you regret, take it.
Forgive yourself. It’s easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. Go figure! We are our own worst critic. We beat ourselves up for those things that we did or didn’t do. I still have moments of those instances. When I do, I remind myself that it’s done, I can’t change it, let it go. Move along.
Part of forgiveness is realizing that you did the best that you could at the time. Even if it wasn’t your best, you did it. Ok, maybe you did mess up, but don’t be so harsh on yourself. It happened. It’s over. You know better now. File it in the “I won’t do that again” category. Let.It.Go. Have compassion for yourself. Softening the blow with compassion eases your emotions so you don’t repeat it or continue to dwell on it.
Be Nice to Yourself
Comfort yourself instead of beating yourself up. Give yourself grace and understanding. You’re not a bad or stupid person for making the choice that you made. Stuff happens. Be kinder to yourself. We all make mistakes. Perfectionism isn’t something to strive for so let yourself off the hook.
Make the changes that you regret not having made before. It’s never too late to change. If you didn’t do it in the past but it would help you today, then do it. If you didn’t save enough money, do it now. If you didn’t hug your kids enough, start today. Making positive changes today can help let go of the guilt or pain you felt from the past if you can stay focused on going forward.
Find the solutions to the problem you felt wasn’t handled well. If you bungled up some suggestions in a report sent to your boss, what’s the correct strategy? Brainstorm, then re-submit your report. If your words came out all wrong to your neighbor, explain what you really meant to clear things up.
Let Go of the Story. Stop telling yourself a story of why you did or didn’t do something. The story isn’t serving you. It’s keeping you stuck in it. Sometimes we don’t see our story, so find it first. Examine exactly what you are telling yourself. “I didn’t do it because I was rushed.” That may be true, but it no longer applies. It no longer matters why you didn’t do it. The fact is, you didn’t do it so, deal with whatever consequences ensued, not staying stuck in your story.
“He would’ve been the perfect guy for me!” You don’t know that. Thinking he might have been is causing you more heartache, not helping you move on. Letting go of the story defuses the sting. The story always keeps us attached because it’s what we want to believe. Reality and beliefs are not always one and the same.
Letting go isn’t always easy. Emotions come up, blocks appear, resistance kicks in. If regrets are really dragging you down, then now is the time to start letting them go. Letting go often doesn’t happen overnight. It can take repeated attempts so don’t let that be discouraging.
If regrets come back up, repeat the steps above. Keep facing them head-on. First be aware that it has reared its ugly head again. Awareness is always the first step to change. Once awareness is realized, use the techniques above to let go. Depending on the situation the technique will be different. If it’s what you really want, you can do it!
Is it serving you to have regrets? Are they weighing you down? Are they stopping you from moving forward?
If you want to know, ask your intuition! It will never steer you wrong!
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
