To stand up for yourself or not is a choice to make. Take a stance or let it slide?
Some people will say you always have to stand up for yourself. ALWAYS. They don’t let anything slide. They don’t take nothin’ offa nobody. Ever.
Others will pick and choose.
Pick Your Battles
One of my favorite sayings is, “Pick your battles.” As a parent if you weren’t judicious about which battles to pick before you had kids, now you are. Not all battles are meant to be fought in my opinion. Not all battles are meant to be won. As the saying goes, it’s not about being right, it’s about being happy. If you fight to be right, you may not end up with a happy ending. Is it worth it to you?
That’s where one of my friends and I differ. She’s in this mode of standing up for herself no matter what. At one point in her life, she wasn’t heard. Now it seems her mission in life is to always be heard. That’s ok, I’m not judging. What I am saying is I don’t agree. We don’t always have to agree that we always have to stand up for ourselves.
It’s good to be heard, but at what cost?
Sometimes standing up for yourself can really hurt the other person or have major consequences such as fracturing your family. Is it worth it? If you think it is, then go for it. If you’d rather not have drastic outcomes, then back off. Find another way to deal with it.
We feel the need to stand up for ourselves when we’ve been wronged. What if the other person didn’t mean to hurt you? What if they are just clueless as to their actions? It’s hard to educate someone who doesn’t get it and doesn’t want to get it. It’s like beating your head up against the wall. In that case, in my opinion, best to let it go. Find another strategy to deal with your hurts. Confronting the other person could do more harm than good. Not to mention test your serenity.
It’s Ok to Walk Away
It’s not letting yourself down if you don’t stand up. It’s not running away with your tail between your legs or letting the other person win. It’s about peace. Your peace. Your peace of mind. You can let their ill words bother you, eat you up, anger you. You can confront them only to fall on deaf ears. Or you can learn to let it go. And find new ways to deal with the person.
Don’t think less of yourself if you don’t stand up. Instead, see yourself as wise. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Wise people figure that out. Poker players know that strategy: “Gotta know when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, know when to win.” There is no shame in folding, only wisdom. Poker players know, if you’re going to lose it all, fold. The same is true with life. If you lose more than you gain by standing up, then don’t.
It’s often obvious to know when to fight back but not always so obvious when it comes to retreating. That knowledge comes with experience or wisdom. It takes a savvy person to see the best move in a situation. Savviness can be innate or gained from experience, wisdom or instruction.
It’s often said that hotheads mellow with age. That’s generally true if the person learns from their experiences. When they can see when it benefitted them to stand up and when it didn’t. Somethings just aren’t worth fighting over. Eventually most people learn that.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t stand up for yourself. Certainly, there are times where that is warranted. What I am saying is that it might not be every time.
How to Deal with Conflict
Sometimes we perceive we were wronged when in actuality we weren’t. That wasn’t the other person’s intent. Hence, misunderstandings arise. The best way to deal with that situation is clarity. Ask clarifying questions to ascertain their real intentions before jumping down their throat or jumping to conclusions, thus creating more conflict.
Express your emotions. Use the time-honored psychologist recommended technique: “When you do/say this, I feel…” As long as you stick to talking about yourself, how you’re feeling, you’re in safe waters. The minute blame, shame or judgement is assigned to the other person, talks go awry.
Don’t deal with it. At least outwardly. In this case, that means don’t confront the other person. If it’s not worth it, if this is a battle not worth fighting, then let it go. Letting it go means dealing with it inwardly. Forgive the other person, forgive yourself, recognize them for the clueless person that they are [not a criticism, just an observation], choose peace instead of conflict.
Use Your Super Power
Sometimes clearing the air takes the sting out and leads to resolution. Other times it muddies the waters. That’s when you have to use your discernment. Know the other person. How will they react? What will they do? Know yourself. Is it better if I let this go? Or am I tired of taking this and need to stand up and set a firm boundary? Only you can decide.
How do you decide other than experience and wisdom? Discernment. That inner discernment. Intuition. Your super power. That’s my go-to strategy. It’s the best tool in my toolkit. And yours too!
Your Higher Self, your intuition, knows your best move. Someone can give you advice but does it resonate with you? How do you know whether to take that advice or not?
Over the years people have given me advice, some of it good, some of it disastrous. It was up to me to figure out which was which and whether it would work for me and my situation. When the outcome wasn’t so great, I wasn’t listening to my intuition. I chose “wrong.”
When I learned to listen to my inner voice, not necessarily stand up for the voice that wasn’t heard, that’s when the results were better. Sometimes being heard coincides with your inner voice, sometimes it does not. It takes discernment to know which is which, to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.
I may not be a poker player but it sure seems to me poker offers some good life lessons. If you know the game, draw from it. Use it. Or just take the short-cut and listen to your intuition. It works every time!
P.S. That’s why I and many other psychics don’t give advice in readings. We can’t choose for you. All we can do is help you sort through the facts or give you insights. In the end, it’s always up to you what you do – fight or retreat? Nobody knows yourself and the situation better than you. Take what we give you, then check in with your own intuition to decide.
If you’re not sure what your intuition is saying to you, then it’s time to learn. It truly is your super power, your best gift. It won’t steer you wrong – when you listen and execute!
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