How to Save Yourself A lot of Heartache

Last week we talked about how empaths seem to intuitively know who’s a people pleaser. They’re attracted to them like moths to a flame. And the same is true for the people pleaser – they often attract narcissists. The narcissist wants a giver and the people pleaser needs a taker to please. Perfect fit!

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist or suspect you might have been, then you know what to look for. There are tons of articles you can google to learn more about that personality type. Some give you checklists of the typical narcissist characteristics. Then you can run through the check-list to see if that person has those characteristics. That’s one way to identify a narcissist.

Another way is to use your intuition.

You don’t need a label for the person such as narcissist to know they’re not for you. You just need intuition.

You Have Intuition

Even for people who don’t think they have intuition or don’t think theirs is strong, I bet they get gut feelings. Do you? Even if it’s not all the time, I bet you’ve gotten one at least once in your life.

Have you ever met a guy or gal and had this “odd” feeling? Like something was off? Like you can’t put a finger on it? Or maybe you got the proverbial “gut” feeling about them? I bet you have. If not about a romantic interest think about a friend or neighbor or client.

You get this gut feeling about them that something isn’t right but you don’t know what. Instead of doing anything about it, you file it away. Perhaps you get into a relationship with them. Then, after a period of time, your initial concern surfaces with greater clarity. You remember what you felt about them. Now you know why you didn’t think it was a great idea to pursue a relationship, but you did.

For example, I have a client who was married for thirteen long years to a narcissist. She told me when she first met him her gut was talking to her, warning her. She ignored it and married him. After a long, unpleasant relationship she finally ended it. It was only after that that she went back and recalled her initial reaction to him. She had that “Aha” moment and wished she’d have listened to her instincts and saved herself thirteen unpleasant years.

Maybe you can relate to that or something similar.

Even the Best of Us Get Burned!

As many of you may know, I have another business that I created seventeen years ago. I created it and run it using my intuition. Even I have been burned a few times during this journey. One time I had a potential client contact me. I didn’t get a good vibe about her at all. She wanted to sign up for advertising but I kept getting a red flag. I did what I’d advise someone else not to do – I took her on as a client. Yes, even the best of us get hoodwinked at times!

After a few short months it was very obvious why I got the warning about her. She ended up being the client from h*ll.  I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that was definitely one time I should’ve listened to my intuition. It wasn’t like I was making much money from her so I wasn’t coming from a place of greed. She “acted like” she thought I could help her advertise her business and complimented me but looking back it was all a con. She fooled me and I let her.

You know the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I don’t condone the shame part, but you get the drift. I let myself get fooled – all because I bought into her talk and didn’t listen to my intuition. I got burned and lost money over it.

What Has Your Gut Been Telling You?

If you look back on your life, ask yourself if you’ve ever gotten a questionable vibe off of someone and ignored it. How did it turn out for you? Do you remember the way the vibe felt? Did you feel it in your gut? Did you get an intuitive message? What did the message say?

Those are the indicators you want to retrace. Have you gotten warning messages and ignored them? When we get a lot of them and continue to ignore them, that’s when we end up making repeated poor choices. Poor choices as in my client enduring a long, unpleasant relationship. Or myself getting burned by a client who clearly lacked integrity that cost me money.  

Going back over your poor choices isn’t a lesson in beating yourself up or pointing out what a loser you are. It’s a learning moment. Notice the message you got. How did you feel it or receive it? In your gut? A voice in your head? A headache? Then recall the message and the eventual outcome if you pursued the relationship or whatever the case may be.

Our gut, our intuition, is a very vital part of our lives, but one we often overlook or downplay. We can save ourselves a lot of heartache, time and sometimes money if we listen to our gut.

What’s your gut saying to you?

Start paying attention to it and notice what it’s saying. Then notice your “batting average.” How often were you right? How often did you listen?

The more you pay attention to the messages, the better your life will be because you’ll make better choices. No more getting burned by friends, neighbors, lovers, co-workers, bosses etc. No more losing money over clients or other disputes. Fill in the blank with what might have happened to you, then paint a new picture of what you want using your intuition to guide you.

You can do it! Just call on that tool in your back pocket – your intuition. You have it.