Have you ever had someone give you advice and you know deep down you can’t do what they suggest? Or you don’t believe that you can?
If you believe you can, it can lead to great success. If you don’t believe that you can and do it anyway, it can spell disaster.
A client once told me that she had a life coach who upon hearing the state of the client’s marriage, she encouraged her to get a divorce. She topped it off with the encouraging story that she got a divorce while raising three small children and building her coaching business. That’s great! But not everyone can do that! Not everyone is prepared to do that or is interested in doing that. Or is capable of doing it. Or most importantly, believes they are capable of doing that.
In this scenario you might get pumped up by the coach’s story of “I did it and so can you!” and then take action. You might go so far as to file for divorce or separation.
“I Did it and so Can You” Doesn’t Always Play Out that Way
Then guess what happens? Let’s play this imaginary scenario out. You get your divorce, then you move out and now you’re under a lot of pressure with three small mouths to feed and no steady paycheck. What did you accomplish other than leave a man that maybe wasn’t so good for you? That’s not nothing, but then reality sets in. How are you going to survive and manage?
Were you really prepared to be a single parent? Are you confident and competent enough for your business to take off? Do you have a plan to grow it or are you living off the fairy dust the coach sprinkled on the scenario for you? She did it, therefore you can.
If you don’t have a business or want one, think about your job. If your salary isn’t one that you can live off of or just barely, what’s Plan B to feed those mouths? Yes, you might get child support or alimony but sometimes that isn’t reliable. Or still may not be enough.
Think Before You Act
Please understand, I’m not discouraging anyone who thinks they can do something big. If you think you can, go for it! I’m concerned about the people who don’t think things through because they didn’t examine their beliefs or weren’t honest with themselves about their capabilities and take potentially bad advice.
It’s not just about not thinking it through. It’s having a heart-to-heart with yourself. Do you really, really, in your heart of hearts, believe that you can pull this off? Because a lot of things sound great, especially when you have a cheerleader telling you how they did it. But then you need a reality check.
It’s ok if you don’t believe that you can. It’s much better to realize that than take the plunge and make a mess of your life. If you don’t need to create damage, then don’t. If you don’t need to take big risks that you aren’t totally sure that you can pull off, then don’t.
Luckily for this client she didn’t follow the coach’s advice. That was better for her than taking a giant risk that she didn’t believe she could pull off. If we don’t believe that we can do something, our chances of success are much lower. Or we could have many missteps along the way making it a rocky path that we wish we never took.
Be Honest with Yourself
When we don’t realize our capabilities, it can lead to failure. When we over-estimate our abilities, it can also lead to failure. When we think we can, but we really can’t, it can lead to failure. When we really can but think we can’t, it can lead to failure because we didn’t seize an opportunity.
Bottom line: it’s all about being honest with yourself. Really understanding yourself. Have an awareness of your capabilities. Then see if they line up with your beliefs about your capabilities. If you really are a capable and competent person and believe that you are, then you’re golden. You can do it.
On the other hand, if you’re not sure that you can and/or doubt your capabilities, that’s lack of belief. Lack of belief in yourself can be very damaging.
Most people that lack confidence don’t have the attitude of, “Well, I’ll try it and if I fail, it’s ok, I just learned something.” Confident people respond that way. They see “failures” as opportunities to try again, to re-tool. People lacking confidence see it as a warning like the “bridge may ice” signs. Don’t go there. If they think they might fail, they avoid it at all costs.
Which is not a bad strategy because if you really don’t believe that you can do something, then try it and fail, oftentimes there isn’t a recovery attitude of “I’ll just try again” in place. No, it’s epic failure, “Never gonna do that again!” attitude. The confident ones are the ones that try again.
If we were confident, we’d do it in the first place, right?
Build Confidence
So how do you build confidence? Read this former blog post for tips.
Assess your strengths and weaknesses – this is your “come to Jesus” meeting to be honest with yourself. Know what your capabilities and limits are.
Examine your beliefs around this too. If you know you’re not that great at something but have the belief, drive and motivation to improve, that’s one thing. But if you’re stuck in, “I can’t do it” mode, then maybe it’s best not to try right now.
Which brings me to point number two.
Get the skills that you need to pull it off. Skills may be tangible like taking a course or getting some certification. Or they might be soft skills like learning to read people better.
The client told me that one thing she pointed out to her coach was that the coach was outgoing and friendly so it’s no surprise she built her business successfully. The client, however, is more introverted. She knew that wasn’t a strength of hers. So how could she build a business so easily knowing she didn’t have a “people” personality?
She’s right. People sometimes don’t take that into account. If you’re not good with or don’t really like people, being a coach isn’t the right career path for you. Again, know thyself. It’s not that she couldn’t pull it off but it probably wouldn’t be so easy for her. Especially if she’s in a crunch to build the business knowing she lacks an essential component – being outgoing – that puts more pressure on her. Not to mention the pressure of being a single parent.
Why put unnecessary pressure on yourself if you don’t think that you can do something? Build the confidence first, shore up your beliefs and get the skills. Then tackle the “hard” stuff, the stuff that you didn’t think that you can do. Now you are more prepared. Now your chances of success are much higher.
And last, but not least, consider the source of advice. Some people are just lousy advice-givers. Some people suggest things that they would never do. And most people aren’t honestly assessing you and your capabilities before they suggest some action. They just talk, thinking they’re helping. Not all advice needs to be acted on. Only take the advice that’s right for you and believe you can do it!
Remember what mama said, “If you don’t believe, you won’t receive.” If you don’t believe you can do something, there’s a good chance that you won’t receive the results that you’re looking for.
Want to avoid taking bad advice? Ask your best friend, the one that won’t judge you: your intuition. It can confirm if you have “it” or not. It doesn’t lie to you or tell you what you want to hear!
If you want to learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
