The other day I had an “aha” moment so I thought I would share it with you, especially since I’ve written about perfectionism before. As I’ve revealed, I’m a “good enough” person, not a perfectionist. However, I do care when things aren’t right. I just don’t freak out about them, and I don’t beat myself up over it. Big difference!
The Quest for Perfectionism is Just That…a Quest
A perfectionist obviously wants things to be perfect. And we know perfect is not an easy standard and often unrealistic because we’re human. What comes with this issue is not taking action or delaying it for fear of not getting it right. Perfectionists can be so afraid of mistakes that they get anxious. So, this issue is fear based and anxiety ridden.
They will also often spend hours or certainly longer than most people trying to correct something that they feel isn’t perfect. They might even run the tape of, “If I get it right, everything will be ok.” Maybe, maybe not. Because they focus on mistakes, they are performance driven. And because of that, they are often competitive. They not only have to be perfect they have to be the best. Second place isn’t good enough. Only first will do. That can wear anyone out! It would me.
Good Enough is Ok!
I may have my issues, like we all do, but thankfully that’s not one of them. Instead, I am a precisionist. This type wants precision – i.e. accuracy. We don’t want fluff, we don’t want flash, we just want it right, exact, precise, efficient. It’s a “just give me the facts” type of mentality when it comes to information. When it comes to tasks, precisionists don’t operate the same as a perfectionist although it may look the same.
For example, if I’m doing a project of some sort and the line isn’t completely straight, I’ll fix it if and only if it’s an easy fix. If it’s going to take me too much time to correct it or tear apart what I’ve already done, then my attitude is, “fuggedaboutit!’ It’s just not that important to me. If it’s seriously crooked, that violates precision, so I’ll suck it up and correct it. Probably. Grudgingly. I know, perfectionists of the world cringe at that one. Sorry, just sayin’. I don’t sweat it.
Please Be Clear!
But that’s also why I realized I don’t care for poetry, not to insult the poetry lovers of the world. I can appreciate it and I can honor those who like it. For me, I get frustrated: “Just tell me what you’re trying to say! Out with it already!” I’m not big on riddles either. Don’t make me work for it! If you like either one of those, then you’re probably not a precisionist. And that’s quite ok. Precisionists want clarity, not to have to figure things out. Some people are perfectly fine living in the “gray” area and that’s why we have poetry.
There is no right or wrong here. And no judging. Just helping you understand who you are and perhaps others around you because living with one of these when you aren’t can be a big mismatch. Not that you can’t live or work together, it just takes some understanding. Insight is the first step towards that. Now you know, now you know what to do about it.
There are quite a few perfectionists in my life and quite honestly, they can wear me out! I understand them but it doesn’t mean their behavior doesn’t frustrate me. So, I try to rein it in and give them some empathy. But when I say “let it go” or “don’t sweat it” that falls on very anxious ears! They don’t understand that so now I back off on that. Saying “let it go” when you’re wrapped up in anxiety doesn’t help. That’s like telling someone not to be wet when they come in from the rain. Not gonna happen.
Perfectionism is a belief system that can be worked though and let go of. Precisionism is a personality trait. You can’t change it, but if you don’t like it, you can do your best to ignore it. I’m not seeking to ignore mine, I’m just glad to know what it is so that I can understand how it shows up at times and decrease any frustration.
Just Cut to the Chase Already!
For example, some people just aren’t very articulate. Have you been around someone who stops and starts a lot, particularly with phrases that aren’t saying anything? They say things like, “The thing is, you know what I mean, it’s like, you know, ….” all at once or separately. And then they trail off into more nothingness, or they might eventually say what they mean to say.
When people do that, it’s better to take a breath and do your best to be patient. Saying things like, “Spit it out!” or “Out with it” don’t help so avoid those. It only upsets them and frustrates you. Just let them ramble for a minute. It might be their way of buying time while formulating their thoughts. If it gets really bad, jump in and see if you can figure out what they’re trying to say to rescue them nicely. Yeah, this is a tough one for precisionists. Just say what you gotta say. But they can’t, so don’t rush them. Doesn’t help.
Word Salad
Have you heard that term “word salad?” This is how Google defines it: it describes nonsensical or incoherent language in political speeches or writing. It uses phrases that mix unrelated concepts or use vague language. It can lead to misunderstandings and confusion, as it consists of disorganized and incoherent speech that lacks logical structure. It’s become very pronounced in popular culture lately so hence it has become a buzz word. And all the more frustrating to us precisionists of the world.
One example is: “unburdened by what has been.” Ok, I don’t have the context for that as I googled it but just reading it, I’m a bit like a dog with its head cocked to one side trying to figure it out. You’d know it if you heard it because you’d probably be confused by it. Precisionists like me abhor word salad. We can’t figure out what the heck the speaker is trying to say! It’s not clear and precisionists hate lack of clarity.
The good news for any of you precisionists out there read this clearly: you are not stupid! I want to reassure you because I was starting to doubt my intelligence when I took a course by someone I later found out is known for her word salad! I know I’m an intelligent person but hearing her talk, I was having my doubts. Good to know that I’m not stupid and neither are you! We just want clarity and simplicity, no ambiguity. Just cut to the chase, already!
And that’s that.
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