It’s hard for us to stay in our lane. Why is that?
We think we’re being helpful or setting our mind at ease by minding other peoples’ business or worrying about them, but really, we’re not. What we’re doing is attempting to control them and the outcome because we think it makes us feel safe. If we just knew the answer, knew how it would turn out, we’d feel better. Right?
Control is an Illusion
It’s an illusion to think we’d feel better if we could control everything outside of us. Illusions feel real, but they are not. The definition of illusion is: something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality. There’s a lot of layered meanings in that if you can feel them.
Can we control what others think, say or do? No.
We haven’t been able to control anyone ever. The closest we’ve ever come to controlling another was with a baby and even then, it was never 100%. We can’t, we know deep down we can’t. Yet, we try. Why? Our fear-based world has ingrained us to think we can. If we can remove our fear by controlling others, then we’ll be ok, right? No again.
When we look outside ourselves, we are focusing on someone or something else, not our self. Our energies are directed at them, not inward. That means we are using our energy by obsessing over them, over-thinking, trying to predict a future outcome to feel secure and in control.
We try to control others’ behavior and situations because we want to feel safe. We want reassurance our world will be ok.
At the Root of Worry is a Loss of Control
At the root of worry and anxiety is fear of a loss of control. Therefore, when we try to control another person or situation with our thoughts, it produces anxiety because we can’t control it, no matter how hard we try or how much effort we give it.
When your worry kicks in it might feel like if you can’t know what’s going to happen in a situation your world might fall apart, or you might go crazy or your kids will go off the rails if you can’t prevent it. Then we justify our thoughts by telling ourselves if we knew how they’d react or what they’re doing, or what our outcome would be, we’d know how to prepare or respond.
Stay In Your Lane
Stay in your lane and prepare yourself instead. The only one you can control is you. We forget that in times of stress or when we fall back into the habit of worry because we slide into dis-empowerment. We spin out of control by trying to control.
The more you focus on your life, your game plan, the more it doesn’t matter what the other person is doing. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. Respond with what’s best for you. The more you focus on you, your confidence in how you respond to life will increase. When you have confidence in you and how you will respond in any situation, the need for control falls away.
So what if your boss took a new job and you feel out in the cold? Worrying won’t make your boss stay. Pull your energy back to you. You’ll be ok no matter where your boss goes because you know you are competent in your job. Or if the situation really is intolerable without him there, then you know you will find a better job for you.
Focus on You
It’s all about putting the focus back on you and knowing no matter what happens, you’ll be ok. You don’t need life’s reassurances to prove it to you. Just your own.
Remember the serenity prayer? Memorize it. Put it on your phone. Say it to yourself when you feel that anxiety rising and you just can’t stop worrying.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If all else fails, here’s a bit of humor for you. If you were a Seinfeld fan maybe you recall the episode where George was upset over something. In attempt to calm himself he shouted, “Serenity NOW!” Ok, shouting is the opposite of calm, but that was George.
Ask the Universe, your guides, your angels, your higher self, whoever you talk to, to grant you serenity – now. May you float off into a sea of serenity, bumping into clouds of peace and calm.