As with many of my blog posts, this was inspired by a client. If you’ve had a reading with me, then you know that I channel your Higher Self and guides. They often give messages that I can’t control or not what you’d expect to hear. Sometimes they can be very direct and tell me to flat out ask the person, “Why do you do this?” or something to that effect. Not to worry, that strategy is reserved for those that require directness.
It often throws the person off guard, but it makes them think. And forces them to take a step back and re-evaluate themselves or their choices. Guides don’t tell us what we want to hear. They tell us what we need to hear. Sometimes the two coincide and that’s great. Other times, they don’t. That’s when the work comes in.
Take it or Leave it?
Do you embrace the feedback from your guides or do you blow it off? Do you get mad about it or take it to heart? Trust me, my guides have given me some harsh realities at times. They’ve forced me to look in the mirror when the view wasn’t so great. Now I accept it because it’s better than not. And in the long run, it benefits me. No one said growth work was easy or fun!
The subject of bossiness came up for a client the other day. I always share these messages with my readers because someone out there can benefit from what I’m about to say. At least, I hope so!
The guides were nicely telling this lady that she was bossy. I didn’t want to use the word bossy because of its negative connotations, so I quickly re-framed it into the word leader because let’s be honest, that sounds better. She immediately chimed in and called herself bossy. The guides knew that she would otherwise they would have insisted that I use the word bossy. It’s always better if the client says it over me. That means they see it and I don’t have to drive the point home. Convincing someone rarely works.
When she brought up the word bossy, she laughed at herself and said her kids always call her that. Calling herself that made me feel better because she knew she had those tendencies and wasn’t upset with me or the guides for bringing it up.
Why did they bring it up is the bigger question.
As I said, guides often bring up things you need to hear, not always the fun or “cool” stuff. While her off-handed laugh implied she didn’t take herself too seriously, in fact, she did. She often beat herself up for being bossy.
That’s exactly why the guides brought it up. So that she could stop beating herself up for it. So that she could see that bossiness is a form of leadership, albeit a negative form. That’s why I re-framed the word to leader. Now she can embrace her leadership qualities, not chastise herself for bossiness.
Would it make you feel better to be called bossy? Or a Leader?
See what I mean. Choose leader every time!
Bossy people generally are leaders. Yes, you can add control into the mix, but overall, they are leaders. They see the way something should or could be done. Yes, they might tell others to do it instead of doing it themselves but don’t the best leaders delegate?
Fine Line Between Character Traits
There’s a fine line between the character traits of bossy vs leader. That’s why it’s all about the re-frame. Any psychologist will tell you that. It’s about how you look at things. Don’t see yourself as bossy, see yourself as a leader. If you want everyone else to stop seeing you as bossy, stop acting that way.
We always hear that it’s how you use it that counts. It’s how you use your character traits that count. Bossy serves up control vibes whereas leader does not. If you find that you are bossy try backing off the control part a bit. Refrain from ordering people around. Ask nicely. Give suggestions. Be flexible. That’s what leaders do.
By shifting your behavior, you move the dial from bossy to leader. People will perceive you differently. You will see yourself differently. And hopefully stop beating yourself up for your bossy streak if you were. Our simple fifteen-minute session seemed to give this woman a sense of relief so that she could stop judging herself for her bossy steak. The guides do know what they’re doing!
Most leaders are born that way. That means they have certain qualities that define them as such. If you are bossy, more than likely, you really are a leader too. It’s how you use those qualities that counts. Re-invent yourself. Madonna does every few years, so you can too!
How to Stop Being a Boss and Be a Leader
If you recall a previous post I wrote on stubbornness, I suggested channeling stubbornness into perseverance. Stubbornness re-directed into perseverance is much more productive. Do the same with bossiness. Re-direct those qualities into leadership.
Let go of some of the control. Stop seeing your way as the only way or the right way. Other people have good ideas too. Especially if you are a parent or manager, it’s best to teach your children or employees how to do something vs doing it for them or just telling them what to do. The latter is the bossiness factor coming out.
Instead of micro-managing, i.e. telling everyone what to do and how to do it, lead. Be open to ideas, listen. Allow others to make suggestions. Remember, other people have good ideas too, not just you. Let them contribute. They may come up with a much better solution than you. Let them. Then compliment them, don’t ask for more. Bosses demand. Leaders encourage and compliment.
Don’t tell, show. Model the behavior of a leader. Guide, Influence. Ask questions. A good leader is also a coach. A coach’s job is to ask a person questions to find the answers within themselves, not spoon feed them. Bosses spoon feed. Leaders guide.
Don’t order, ask. One of my sisters is a natural born leader who often crosses the line into bossiness, especially when she orders people around. People respond much better when they’re politely asked, not ordered.
Don’t dictate, inspire. Bossy people dictate which doesn’t allow any room for improvement or growth. It’s assuming your way is the only way. Inspire people to find other ways, other solutions by understanding the issue. That’s when the magic of creativity can happen. As the leader, you already see a solution so let them figure it out. Not only will they learn more, they will own it. When we take ownership, it’s much easier to make something happen. It’s following our own ideas vs a rule book.
By taking ownership of our faults, we are open to improvement. Just as this lady was. She seemed lighter to me after our reading. The burden of judging herself had been lifted. Perhaps yours will be too after reading this. That’s my intention.
Most of all, embrace your leadership qualities. Not everyone has them. Be proud to be a leader. Lead wisely.
If you want more tips on how to turn bossiness into leadership, ask yourself! Your intuition! It will never let you down or steer you wrong!
If you’re not confident in your intuition, then develop it. I’ll show you how.
Many of my clients have said that they want to learn how to develop their intuition. Because of that, I developed this easy-to-follow do it at your own pace, online course. It’s packed with tips, hacks and how-to exercises.
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