Sometimes in life we wish we could have a do-over or push the rewind button. Other times we want to hit the delete key in our mind. People like analogies and visuals. So, here’s a new one for you – push the pause button.
A client of mine recently told me that she’s noticing her friend is getting snarky when she’s in a bad mood. Snarky is one thing, but it’s another when you feel chastised as a result. It’s understandable, but not acceptable, to be “ugly” when in a bad mood. It’s another thing to make the other person feel bad as a result of their bad mood. That’s when it’s up to you on the receiving end to put a stop to it.
My client said she’s hesitant to say anything to her friend because quite honestly, she’s afraid of her. She can be rather prickly. Meaning she can dish out the criticism, but she can’t take it. My client doesn’t want to criticize her she just wants her to stop treating her this way. Since what her friend says is rather rude, she’s afraid she’ll blurt out, “Stop it” or something worse that would offend her friend.
Pause Button: Your New Best Friend
My suggestion to her? Hit the pause button.
Next time her friend says that I recommended that she hit that pause button in her mind. Take a breath, remember what we talked about and how to say it. After a few seconds, once she’s calm, say it nicely.
If we don’t hit the pause button before speaking, then we’re reacting. Reacting comes from emotions. Responding comes from thoughts. When we’re triggered it comes from emotions.
To stop the emotional reaction from hurdling out of your mouth, rehearse what you want to say ahead of time if possible. Then once it happens, push the pause button in your mind, take a breath, then say it. If there’s no time for rehearsing, then do the same thing – hit the pause button and take a breath. Pausing helps gather your thoughts and calms your emotions.
It will come out much smoother, easier and without all the tangled-up emotions. Your delivery will be clean and hopefully no feelings hurt.
Most people don’t like criticism, much less constructive feedback. If you can learn to say things calmly and nicely, then the other person can “hear” you without getting their emotions triggered too. If they can’t, well, then that’s another story. You did your best to stand up for yourself. You have the right to.
Even in one-off situations where someone is not a repeat offender or the situation is unique, use the same technique. Hit the pause button, breathe, remove any negative emotion from your voice and speak calmly.
Ignoring May Still Require a Pause
Your other option is to ignore it, which isn’t always easy and gives the other person the impression that they can continue to treat you that way.
If you choose to ignore their comments, then you may have to hit the pause button in your mind to stop your thoughts from upsetting you. It’s one thing to stay quiet because you are choosing to let their comments slide. It’s another thing to stay quiet yet seething inside.
That’s what was going on with my client. She was still very upset inside. She may have ignored the comments as in not responded to them, but she was still letting them get to her, not truly letting them go.
That’s why I explained to her either let the comments go when she says them and say nothing but don’t continue to replay it in your mind. Or stop her next time it happens. Either way a pause is required. Whether you verbalize your dislike or not, press the pause button in your mind to avoid further upsetting yourself and let the thoughts about it go.
Take a Breath
The reason the breath is so powerful is because it resets your nervous system. It calms down any fight or flight reaction going on and reduces confusion. It gives you a moment to clear your mind and calm down your body. It’s free, quick and easy so why not give it a try? No one will know that you are doing it except you.
Most of us are shallow breathers. We become even more so when we are excited or upset. That’s why the system reset is so important in situations like this. If your breathing is shallow and your thoughts are racing, you are more likely to react vs respond. Calm the body down with one or a few deep breaths. It really does work!
So next time you’re in an upsetting situation, hit the pause button in your mind, then take a breath before responding, not reacting. It could save you a friendship!
Stay tuned for part 2 next week!
Are you uncertain as to when to stand up for yourself and when not to? Do you question yourself as a result? What do you do about it? Ask your intuition! It will guide you. It won’t steer you wrong!
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
