Sometimes we need to give people space for whatever reason. The more space we give them, the more room they have to figure things out. Maybe they have a big decision to make. Major moves like that can take time.
When we’re eager for them to make their decision or want to help them with it, we might try to spur them on. We think we’re helping or motivating. In reality it can feel like pressure to the person who has the decision to make. Your intentions may be good, but it doesn’t feel that way to the other person.
Back Off!
What they really need is for you to back off and give them space.
When people have space, it gives them the freedom to clear their head, figure out what’s going on in their own mind and make a more level-headed decision. When they don’t have space, they can’t get clear. Everything is jumbled up and more confusing.
I don’t question the images the guides give me when I’m doing readings or getting a download. They choose these images because the person can relate to them. The following isn’t mean to be offensive or gross in any way. Instead, many of you can probably relate.
Privacy No More
If you’ve ever had kids then you know how they follow you around when they’re little. Everywhere you go – even the bathroom! At first it may be a little unsettling to give up your privacy. I have to say, I wasn’t a fan initially, but I’d rather keep my son safe, so I got over it. After a while it became second nature. The baby, the toddler, the pre-schooler follows you into the bathroom. That’s just the way it is. Your privacy is gone.
By the time they’re about five is when moms start to get their lives back. Now the child is old enough that he/she doesn’t need eyes on him/her for the few minutes it takes mom in the bathroom. Life starts to get back to normal for mom. For me it was a welcome relief just to use the bathroom in private! It may not seem like a big deal, but when your privacy is gone, even to your beloved children, it is a big deal.
If you’ve ever been in the bathroom and your bratty little brother was kicking the door down, it made it hard to concentrate and do your business, right? That was a download that I received for a client. She chuckled as she could totally relate. When we pressure the person who has a big decision to make it’s kind of like having no privacy in the bathroom. You can’t focus to get your business done because someone is either following you in there or your bratty little brother/sister is being a nuisance outside the door. Pick any other similar scenario and I’m sure that you can relate.
Space is What’s Needed
A client of mine is in a 4-year relationship with a man who was going thru a huge life crisis after a health scare. He was overwhelmed and confused. He definitely needed space. Through the years she had learned to give it to him. He was not a player, but a runner. When things got serious, he would run.
At first, she would chase after him. Beg him to come back, cry, all the usual reactions. Then she moved onto getting mad at him. Why can’t he deal with this? All that kind of thing. Ultimately, she figured out how best to deal with him. Let him run, give him space and he’ll come back. He always does. But this time was different. They hadn’t seen each other in months. They talk, but not in person. Why? Because of the crisis he’s going through.
Even though she knows to give him space, this time was different. It’s been going on for months. She knows he’s struggling and desperately wants to help. He can’t articulate what he’s feeling. Even she is having trouble finding the words for him. What to do?
That’s when we talked and I reiterated space, space and more space. He will come back again this time too, but yes, it’s taking longer. Because the issues are bigger. This time there is an added bonus for her: he has the desire to stop being a runner. That’s a major life change in and of itself.
If she pushes him, he will pull away. If she forces him, he’ll push back. If she abandons him, he’ll feel lost. It’s hard for her to just be there and hold space for him, but that is what she must do. That’s when the bathroom privacy image came about. She could relate to that. The more you force something to happen, the more it doesn’t. Like going to the bathroom with no privacy. Or just about anything in life. Forcing and pushing rarely have a good outcome.
No More Pressure
When people have space, they now have the room to explore their thoughts and emotions. The pressure is off. They no longer feel like people are bothering them. There are no deadlines. They can just be. If they want your contact, give it to them. They still need support. They often like to know that someone is waiting for them on the other side.
For you, the person that wants to help, find something else to focus your attention on in the meantime. As we just said, focusing on them won’t help them, rather hinder them. This is a rare opportunity to focus on yourself. Catch up on your to-do list, cross off your chores, take up or finish a hobby. Whatever the case may be, keep yourself busy so that you don’t drive yourself crazy obsessing over the other person and wondering when they’ll decide and return to a new normal.
The when is very important to you, the one who is waiting. It’s not so important to the person trying to decide. They don’t even have a sense of when. We want resolution and answers now. Some things just can’t be forced. They take time. The sooner that you, the waiter, can accept that, the sooner you can let go of the need for an answer now. Just be.
Just Be
Just be is always the answer. It’s hard to “be” when you’re in overwhelm. The person needing to make the decision is in major overwhelm. It’s hard for them to “just be” if you’re always questioning them or offering to help. Giving them space allows them to “just be.“
Use that advice on yourself and “just be.” It will do you a world of good and get you out of overwhelm. Then find something else to focus on. It’s temporary. The more you allow space, the sooner that person can make their decisions. And the sooner you can find peace too.
If you’re not sure if someone needs space, ask your intuition. If you don’t know how to do that, then let me show you how.
Many of my clients have said that they want to learn how to develop their intuition. Because of that, I developed this easy-to-follow do it at your own pace, online course. It’s packed with tips, hacks and how-to exercises.
If you want to confirm that you have it, learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it start by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself and get what you want out of life!
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