Often when we want to get something done, we start putting pressure on ourselves. We don’t cut ourselves any slack because we want to get the thing done. Whether the thing is cooking dinner or building a business, it’s all the same. We try to motivate ourselves with pressure. We think the more pressure we put on ourselves, the more likely we are to do it.
But honestly, how’s that been working for you?
Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
The Things We Do to Ourselves
We get sneaky with the pressure. We hide it in common word choices such as ‘have to’ or ‘need to’ or ‘should.’ Or we go a step further and berate ourselves with name calling like, “I’m so stupid because I didn’t get this done.” Or “I’m such a slacker because I can’t even do this!”
We all know name calling never helps. Yet many of us do it to ourselves. It becomes a habit, a norm. We see it in media. In movies or TV shows people call themselves names, or even in blog posts or podcasts. It’s everywhere.
But that doesn’t make it right.
Or helpful.
Everyone does it. So, it’s implied it’s acceptable.
But really, it’s not.
It’s not ok to call yourself a name just as it’s not ok to call someone else a name. It’s not only mean it also dings your confidence.
It’s also not ok to keep putting pressure on ourselves with the ‘need tos’ etc. The more we tell ourselves we need to, the more we tend to put it off. Sometimes it may work, but other times it doesn’t. Why is that?
Because it’s a pressure tactic. Sometimes pressure works, sometimes it doesn’t. It depends on the task, your mood, what time of day it is, so many variables. In other words, it’s not a reliable means to get motivated.
Try This One Thing
So, what can help with motivation?
This post isn’t about motivational tactics in general. Instead, I would like to offer this one: grace. That’s a word we don’t often hear anymore outside of church or someone’s name.
When we can’t seem to get motivated what’s another phrase we use? Cut yourself some slack. That’s the same thing as giving yourself some grace.
Allow yourself the time and space to breathe, to let off steam. In doing so, it’s easier to gain perspective.
With perspective the truth can become visible.
Perhaps you just got back from vacation and now you’re berating yourself for not getting X, Y and Z done.
Maybe, just maybe, it’d help to give yourself some grace on that. If you just got back from vacation, you may not have the immediate bandwidth to all the sudden switch to business building mode or tackling a big project. If neither one has to get done right now, how about letting it go for a few hours or days?
It’s said we need a vacation after a vacation because oftentimes, we’re running hard, not sleeping enough, maybe not eating well or even partying too much. It was fun while it lasted but now, we’re home and need to get back into life. Getting back into life may take a few days. Let your sleeping and eating habits return to normal. Get back into your routine. Then tackle those bigger things that have been looming over your head.
Even if it’s not vacation, it can be any kind of transition. Transition requires a little time to move to the next phase. Maybe you were stuck but now you’re coming out of it. Allow yourself the time to gradually get your old routine back or maybe a new routine that feels better.
Giving yourself grace isn’t a luxury; it’s part of self-care for the mind and spirit.
How do I Give Myself Grace?
Giving ourselves grace isn’t letting ourselves off the hook. It’s not saying you don’t have to get the thing done if the thing really does have to get done. Even if the thing is optional but you want to get it done, giving grace doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it.
It means:
- Be kind and compassionate with yourself instead of criticism or name-calling. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
- Give yourself patience to heal and grow without pressure.
- Allow yourself the time and space to get it done.
- Practice understanding by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and faces difficulties. It’s ok to struggle.
- Reframe setbacks to learning opportunities as a way of removing obstacles or procrastination.
- Grant yourself permission to regroup, relax, re-center, whatever needs to be done.
- Check in with yourself. Ask yourself what you really need right now, not what you think you need.
- Lower your expectations. Maybe you don’t really need to do those five things, instead you may need a nap or a massage. It’s ok to do what you need to do right now to feel better.
- Recognize what you have done. You might be surprised by what you’ve accomplished compared to what you’ve told yourself. Doing one thing can often lead to doing two things.
- Give Yourself Credit. Sometimes we forget that just showing up is ok or enough.
- Processing is ok. Processing removes the pressure to come up with a quick solution. Instead, it allows you to take the time to gain insight or come up with creative outcomes.
- Remove the Weight of Perfection. Accept imperfections and focus on what you can do to improve the situation.
What Happens When I Give Myself Grace?
By giving ourselves grace it helps to reduce negative self-talk, pressure, name-calling or criticism. It allows us to be kind and compassionate with ourselves instead of pushing or judging. This can free up space to get motivated without the added pressure.
In doing so we can allow ourselves to acknowledge our imperfections and emotional struggles which shift us into positivity and make us more resilient. Then it’s easier to navigate life’s ups and downs. And actually do the thing!
Want some insight on this? Then USE YOUR SUPERPOWER! YOUR INTUITION! It will give you the answers and never steer you wrong!
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