Are you a stick in the mud? Or stuck in the mud? Just one little letter change makes all the difference in the meaning. Stick the mud means someone who’s no fun, who doesn’t want to join in the fun.
Stuck in the mud means you can’t get out. You’re stuck. You can’t advance. If you were a car then you’d get a tow truck to pull you out. But you’re a person so a tow truck won’t work. If you’re stuck, it’s awfully hard to pull yourself out.
So how do you do that?
Dig Deep
First, dig deep to find out why are you stuck. What’s holding you back? Normally it’s fear or anxiety or a mix of the two. What are you afraid of? What’s making you nervous?
Two of the biggest fears when we can’t get moving are fear of failure and fear of success. The best solution is action but when we’re stuck something is blocking us from that.
Here come the excuses. The more excuses we come up with, the more we don’t take action, which is why we keep generating them. We have tons of “good” reasons why we can’t do something. It’s called stalling. It’s the opposite of what you want. Stop looking for more information or making more excuses, start taking action. But that’s easier said than done or you would’ve taken action already. So, keep reading.
The other option is to give up. Do you really want that? Probably not. So, you’re back to action.
So, play it out.
Play a Game
Play the “what if” game. “What if I fail?” Then what happens? Do I pack it all in and get a one-way ticket to Loserville? Do I submit to my failure?
How does that feel to know that you’re a failure? Most of us don’t like that scenario, understandably so, so how do you get out of it?
Do you have more gumption to get out of that? Can you give it a second chance? Or can you honestly live with not succeeding at it? [whatever “it” is.] You might immediately say yes just to get out of it, but can you really live with it? If it’s that important, then probably not.
Are you stuck in perfectionism? Do you have to be the absolute best and that’s why you’re so afraid that you’ll fail?
Perfectionists are all about control. They need to control every aspect of their world so therefore they have to be the best. The root cause is anxiety. If that resonates with you, see if you can figure out why you are that way. Then you can heal it.
If your fear is success or anything else, use the same formula. “What if I….?” What’s the worst that can happen? How would you get out of it?
Play it Out Some More
Keep in mind fear often is irrational. If your fear is that you’ll go crazy and have to go to a mental institution if you don’t do “x,” how likely is that? Probably not very so you can scratch that off your list.
If you need to dig deeper then play the second game, “How likely is it really that ‘x’ will happen?” Substitute your worst fear. If it’s not very likely, then move along to the next fear. Keep going until you arrive at one that is a good possibility. If you can find one, that is. If you can, then do as recommended above, “How will you deal with it?” What’s your Plan B?
Once you can see that you can deal with it, that you have a back-up plan, that you can call that tow truck so to speak, then that will relieve your anxiety immensely. If you find that you don’t have a back-up plan, then come up with one. Sink your teeth into that instead of your anxieties. Solutions take the pressure off of worrying.
A Second Piece of Advice
If the “what if” game doesn’t work for you, then try this. If your BFF was stuck, then what would your advice be? Then take that advice!
When we’re stuck in the midst of a problem it’s hard for us to see the solution. We’re too close to it. Isn’t it amazing, though, when your friend is stuck how you have advice? Because you aren’t in it. This technique is simple and often effective.
Here’s a twist on this suggestion. If you follow a certain person on social media or youtube or you look up to someone, then ask yourself, “What would they do in this situation?” “What advice would they give?” “How would they get out of this?” You might surprise yourself at how well you answer these questions. Again, it’s easy to see solutions for others, not always for ourselves.
A benefit to this technique is that you might surprise yourself with the answer! When we step back and see the world, see our problems, through someone else’s eyes, it gives us a new and different perspective. One that we wouldn’t get otherwise. Yes, you can go to therapy or hire a coach and probably come up with the same ideas. But if you want the free and easy way, try this.
Take your own advice.
Don’t Get Stuck at the Starting Gate of Life
It’s no fun to be stuck at the starting line of life. You’re standing there not moving. You’re not even stretching for the race. You’re just there, staring at the starting line doing nothing, stuck. Feeling bad about yourself because you can’t move. You can’t stretch. You’re glued to the spot.
You have to be careful there because then you might start to judge, shame, blame, berate yourself for not starting. “I’m an idiot for standing here!” “I’m such a loser because I can’t even get going!” “I’ll be here forever and they’ll already be done!”
Ok, stop right there. None of that is helpful. You’re stuck for a reason. You have to find out the reason. Your reason might be crippling anxiety that you really need help with. That’s ok. We all need help sometimes so get it. Don’t judge yourself for needing help. Help is there for a reason.
Other times we can work ourselves out of this bind that we’re in. Try the techniques above for a hefty dose of self-help.
Comparing Gets us Nowhere
Don’t get caught up in comparing either. “They’re running the race, look how good they are!” or “They finished the race and I’m still standing here, not even warming up!” Comparing never gets us anywhere.
Oftentimes just realizing we’re playing the comparison game is enough to snap us out of it. Comparing often causes more anxiety and sets unrealistic expectations. Now is not a time to compare. Not unless you find someone who was in a similar situation and used a certain technique or idea to get out of it that might help you. That’s ok because you’re looking for a solution, not stuck in the comparison game of “not being as good as.”
There will always be someone better than you and always someone not as good as you. That’s just life. Part of our journey is to learn to love ourself no matter where we are. No matter what we look like, no matter how stuck we are, how successful or not we are. There’s always room for improvement, but first you have to get out of neutral and into gear. As long as you compare, you’re still stuck in neutral.
One Last Piece of Advice
If you finally get yourself out of neutral and into gear, even if it’s only for five minutes or an hour, give yourself a reward. YOU DID IT! Now go have a piece of cake. Or let yourself browse on pinterest [set a time limit or you’ll never get out!] or take a walk. Whatever makes you happy.
By giving yourself a reward you’ll feel better about yourself. You accomplished something, so enjoy it! Savor the moment. If you slip back into stuck-ness again then lather, rinse repeat. Repeat the process to get unstuck. If you need another reward, do it. Whatever it takes to keep you un-stuck.
When you’re running the race, you can see more of life. Experience more. Do and accomplish more. When we’re stuck in neutral it’s pretty boring. Get out of the starting gate, take your own advice and go run that race!
I’ll see you at the starting gate! I’ll race ya!
If you really don’t know how to get un-stuck, your best source of answers is YOURSELF, your inner knowing, your intuition.
Do you have intuition? YES! You do!
Do you want to learn to develop it? CLICK HERE to find out more.
Many of my clients have said that they want to learn how to develop their intuition. Because of that, I developed this easy-to-follow do it at your own pace, online course. It’s packed with tips, hacks and how-to exercises.
If you want to confirm that you have it, learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it start by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself and get what you want out of life!
CLICK HERE to find out more
