Most of us have heard that joke about having a diet coke with a candy bar. Having the two together is a justification because the lack of calories in the soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar. Right? Not really, but if that works for you to justify it, go ahead. LOL
This analogy came to me as I was working with a client. When I told her she laughed and admitted she drinks a lot of Diet Coke. That’s when I had to chuckle and reply, “Then that’s why they showed me this particular analogy. You’d get it.”
The analogy is akin to working on ourselves. Sometimes our progress is kind of like that.
You’ll Get There All the Same
We take two steps forward doing really good inner work. Then we blame, shame, berate ourselves and oops, now we took five steps back! All the good work you just did is cancelled out by the blame game.
I mean, it is and it isn’t. It is because the good work you did got diluted by blaming and shaming. However, the good work never goes away. It just takes longer to get there when you take two steps forward and three steps back.
It’s like the tortoise and the hare. They both get there one just gets there faster. You will get there too. Just not overnight.
It’s also like making a right turn and going straight at the same time. You can’t do both. It’s an either/or situation, not an “and” situation. You either go right or you go straight. Awakening is also an “or” situation. You can go forward in your awakening journey while also taking a few steps back. That’s typically how learning goes. We didn’t get 100 on every test in school. There were some that we scored lower on because we were still getting the concepts down.
Our self-discovery journey is the same way.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back is Normal!
When I work with people, I see a lot of people do just that. They pride themselves on doing good work, then in the next sentence they come out with something negative. STOP! Just stop right there. And that’s exactly what I have to say to people (nicely, of course) when they do that.
We are works in progress. If you’re doing inner work or release work then you’ve found out already that it never ends. Why? Because we keep breathing! We create new memories, new experiences every minute, every day. Every day can present a new challenge – or not.
For perfectionists this is a struggle. They want to do it right the first time. Life generally isn’t that way. We make mistakes. We make slow progress. That’s being human. It’s ok. It really is. Give yourself a break.
For those of us that aren’t perfectionists, we still berate ourselves when we don’t do it as quickly as we’d like. My advice is the same as it is for the perfectionists: cut yourself some slack. You WILL get there.
No one said awakening, self-discovery, whatever you want to call it, is quick and easy. If it was, we’d all be doing it. And we’d all be done with it by now.
Why Does it Take so Long?
During awakening we’re unlearning old beliefs and paradigms and re-prioritizing our values. That takes time. You’ve had them for however old you are. See them for what they are – old beliefs – and know that they no longer serve you.
One of your old beliefs may have been that you think it’s ok to be snarky to people when you’re having a bad day. It’s never really ok to be snarky. Having a bad day is an excuse to justify your snarkiness. It’s not ok because it hurts people’s feelings. Instead, we have to learn to take responsibility for our feelings and state of mind. If we’re having a bad day, ok, then deal with it. Don’t take it out on others. Hold off on the snark.
We’re also seeing what our triggers are. “When someone says ‘x’, it really ticks me off.” Time to stop getting triggered by other people’s remarks. First, we have to see that we’re being triggered. Step one is always awareness. Then we can choose to stop reacting. When someone says something mean to you for example, it’s very tempting to say something mean right back. Most of us learn that as kids as a self-defense mechanism. Maybe it worked in grade school, but we’re big kids now, adults.
Now when someone says something mean to you look at it as a reflection of who they are, not how mean they were to you. Take a breath before you respond, not react. Responding is thinking before answering and coming up with something neutral. Reacting is letting a zinger fly right back at ‘em. It may feel good in the moment to rip off a zinger, but afterwards, most of us feel bad about it, especially if you’re working not to do that.
If you find one minute you’re responding and the next minute you’re reacting, that means you haven’t identified or dealt with all of your triggers yet. It also means you haven’t learned how to keep your emotions in check. You took two steps forward and one step back. It’s ok. It happens.
Eyebrow Raise Moment
If anyone told me that they NEVER react to anyone anymore for anything, I’d have a definite eyebrow raise moment. True, there are some people who have conquered their demons and released their triggers. But to be so bold as to claim they never react, well, I’d wonder about that one. It could be something as simple as the bank teller took too long to assist you so you got frustrated. That’s reacting. It may not be a big deal like screaming at your partner, but it’s still a reaction. That’s what I mean. Many of us still have little reactions even when we’ve conquered the big ones.
We’re human. That’s why there are so many analogies of life being a long and winding road. Or life isn’t about the destination, but the journey. You get there when you get there. In the meantime, you might take three steps forward and two steps back. That’s still progress.
When you’re having those two steps forward and one step back moments, do your best not to berate yourself. Don’t get impatient. It is a process. It’s your Diet Coke and a candy bar moment. One doesn’t really cancel out the other one. Neither do your two steps forward and one step back. Progress is progress. You took two steps forward. Be proud of that. Pat on the back moment!
In the meantime, if you like Diet Coke and a candy bar, enjoy it. If you’re more of a beer and pizza person, enjoy it. Life is about living in the moment and enjoying what’s in front of us whether it’s food, people or experiences. Enjoy it all! The more you enjoy, the less you react! The less you react, the less you take backward steps.
How do you know if you’ve making progress on your awakening journey? How do you know if you’re still reacting alot? Sometimes that’s obvious, sometimes it’s not.
Ask your intuition.
Do you have intuition? How do you know?
Do you have it but aren’t sure you’re hearing it?
Let me show you how.
If you want to confirm that you have it, learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it start by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself and get what you want out of life!
CLICK HERE to find out more!