Do you have any drama queens in your life? Are you the drama queen? Hey, no judgement, we all do it at some point. When drama queen is our life theme that’s when our life doesn’t work out so well.
Why is that?
Drama is just that – theatrics. To name a few scenarios it’s getting upset over the small stuff, it’s reading into things that aren’t there, it’s accusing people of things they didn’t do. Basically, it’s over-reacting or sometimes being just plain mean cuz you can.
Some Thrive Off of It
Some people literally thrive off of being a drama queen (or king). You know who they are. They can’t get enough of it. Their life is always a mess and quite frankly, they seem to like it that way. It’s like they feed off of it. Because they do. The more they create drama, the more they love it. It’s a never-ending cycle.
Some people intentionally stir the pot to create more drama either out of boredom, spite or who knows what. Others do it unintentionally. Maybe you fall into that category. I did a long time ago. A lot of things seemed to go wrong for me. Until I realized I was creating the situations. That’s when I hung up my drama queen shoes, so to speak, and put on my big girl pants. Unintentional drama queens usually don’t hurt others, only themselves. I was making a mess of my life and the drama feeders seemed to egg me on. Until I got smart.
I can honestly say, “My name is Catherine and I am no longer an (unintentional) drama queen.” Now, I run like the wind when I sniff any drama. I don’t want it near me and I certainly don’t want to create it for myself. I lead a drama-free life and I like it that way, thank you very much.
That’s not to say my life is perfect or I never have a bad day. Sure, everyone does. What I mean is every other day I’m not running off a guy or losing a job or picking fights or whatever drama queens do. My life is pretty steady, pretty consistent and definitely drama-free. The drama queens of the world might say my life is boring.
Drama Queens Don’t Like Boring
Because drama queens like to spice it up. They like to throw a monkey wrench into plans. I’m not talking about the life-of-the-party friend you have who tells the best jokes or wears the most outrageous outfits. I’m talking about the person who gossips about everyone. Who tells people off for no good reason (not that there ever is a good reason, mind you), who botches jobs, who gets fired frequently or who loses friends. Keep the list going, you know that type of person.
Why do they create drama?
For several reasons. One is like a lot of things, drama is addictive. It provides highs and lows. When they’re in a low, boring place, they do something (stupid or mean etc.) to give them that hit they’re looking for. Now they have something to talk about. Now they can be the center of attention, even if it’s not positive attention. They need to sustain their high so they stay in the cycle.
Another reason is they’re not aware that they create their own reality and as such they don’t have to keep manufacturing negative situations to function in life. To keep a good friend, you don’t need juicy gossip. To have a man in your life you don’t need to be high maintenance. To advance your job you don’t have to be a back-stabber.
We can all have the life of our dreams and we can accomplish it without having to be a drama queen. In fact, it’s easier and more peaceful not to be one.
It’s Ok, Admit It
They key to change is always first be aware. If you’re a drama queen, even a little bit, it’s ok, admit it to yourself. You don’t need to tell me or anyone else, keep it to yourself. Of course, those around you probably already know it. Just sayin’. Admit it. It’s ok. We all have to start somewhere.
Then take responsibility for your behavior. Are you making someone’s life miserable because you think it’s fun? Get honest with yourself. Is that very nice? If your answer is no, then realize you’ve been doing that, then be accountable with yourself. It’s not very nice to the other person and if you dig down deep, you’ll probably find it really doesn’t make you feel very good either. You might think it does, but I’m going to bet it really doesn’t.
It’s like eating too much ice cream or chips or anything. It feels and tastes good at the time, but later you have a stomach ache.
Every have your boyfriend stolen? Back in high school I had my boyfriend stolen. I was completely and utterly devastated. The girl who did it, did it intentionally. Why? Later I heard through the grapevine it was pretty much, “because she could.” She was just mean. Talk about drama. It was probably another two or three years later until I receive an apology from my ex admitting he messed up. I always knew he was a good guy! Why he fell for her deviousness, well, you can guess. No offense for you guys out there reading this, but high school boys don’t require much coaxing if you know what I mean.
The point is, she was one of those girls who just liked to drum up drama. She lived for it, she thrived off of it. She had an entire posse of friends who either did the same things or lived vicariously through her. They all thrived off of drama. If there’s any justice in life, if I recall correctly, later she went through a hard time or someone dumped her. We all know about karma!
High school is the perfect back drop for drama so think back to your high school days. If you weren’t the drama queen, I bet you can name five really quickly. Being the drama queen is better suited for younger people who are still exploring their identity. We’re out of high school now so leave that behavior in the past. Like junk food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, gambling and all the other addictions, it’s not good for you. You may think it is, it may feel good, but it’s really not.
Here’s the formula: admit you’re one if you are. Be aware when you do it, then realize you don’t need to act that way to have an exciting life, even if the drama is only directed at yourself. Just like the addict who gets off of drugs or alcohol, they have to find a way to enjoy life without their vices. I promise you, having a drama-free, peaceful life is really much more satisfying than any drama ever could be. You just have to want it.
Toddlers are drama queens and kings. Fortunately it’s a developmental stage, which they grow out of hopefully before kindergarten. I live with two of them.
I had a client once, who worked with a woman who loved drama. He said, “If things were running smoothly, she would set her hair on fire and run through the halls screaming, ‘Fire, fire’”, or take actions to that effect.
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