In my last post we discussed strong personality types. As the beginning of the post stated, having a strong personality can be very beneficial. These are the “get ‘er done” type of people. The leaders. The Type A workaholics who achieve.
The downside is these same traits can also come across as bossy, pushy, stubborn and domineering to name a few.
Tread Lightly
If you have a strong personality, learning to work with it and exercise some temperance is helpful. If you’re on the receiving end of a strong personality type, keep in mind that sometimes they don’t realize how they come across. They are so used to being them that they may not even know they are this way. Their unawareness allows them to keep behaving like this.
If no one has ever called them out they think it’s ok and they continue on like a bull in a China shop. Calling them out is the tricky part because they do not like that. They think they are always right and know better. Suggestive feedback is a better way to handle them because criticism could produce major blowback so tread carefully.
Standing up to them could be like having them zapped with a stun gun. In fact, my client did just that. She did not feel comfortable with the divorce comment from Lady B. She knew herself and her situation well enough to know that things could be worked out to ensure a smoother home life. Lady B never stopped to ask about that. She just plowed on with her finite suggestion not having all the details or backstory in hand.
As a result, the client told Lady B that discussing her marriage was off limits from now on. She just wanted help with work. Lady B, not understanding the connection or lack thereof, didn’t know how to process that. She skipped a beat as if to process the fact that the client was putting up a hard boundary. She didn’t see that coming. That’s when she dropped the hammer and informed the client that she could not help her. [To catch up on this story, refer to part 1.]
What’s Really Going on Here?
The client also took a moment to process that. She didn’t see that one coming either. She was paying this person to help her and instead she got an ultimatum. An uninformed ultimatum I might add. Now her head was spinning. That’s when I got the call to help her sort this out.
Instead of railroading Lady B and saying how useless she was, I helped the client see that Lady B might be well intentioned, but the end result was heading towards calamity. I praised the client for having enough awareness to see that not only was divorce an action she wasn’t willing to take, but Lady B was out of bounds for suggesting it. And she was a “one trick pony” by not having more tools in her toolbox to help the client solve this issue. There’s no need to bring out a hammer when all you need is a screwdriver!
If the client had been a weaker person or unaware, she might have taken this advice because she was told to by someone she thought had the answers. Not to mention that this advice could’ve spelled disaster and heartbreak for the client.
Check In with Yourself
That’s why it’s important for us to always have our Spidey senses activated. If you aren’t in touch with your intuition, that’s ok. Then ask yourself how do you feel around a certain person? If you feel weak around them, it’s because they are very strong – probably too strong. If you feel intimidated, it could be because they have a really large ego. Yes, how you feel is about you but it’s also a reaction to their behavior.
If you feel intimidated, lean into that. Ask yourself why. They are activating something in you that is causing you to feel that way. It’s up to you to work with it and release it. But it is a good indicator, a good starting place for you to figure out why you are having this reaction.
Part of it is about you and you can change that. The other part is them. What is their energy like? What is their tone of voice? What are the words that they are saying? Word choice is very important. When you step back and look at their words and actions and examine your reaction to it, then you have your answer on how to proceed.
The client realized Lady B thought she was being helpful. But that doesn’t mean let her off the hook. Because the advice was so extreme and not necessarily connected to her issue, she also saw her limitations. Lady B didn’t have the skillset to help her through this. [As I mentioned before, she’s not a licensed therapist or certified coach or anything like that.] Lady B preached boundary violations to the client, yet she ran all over hers with her extreme “guidance” and behaviors.
Read the Warning Signs
An example of the latter is when the client brought up something that happened Lady B rudely interrupted her and harshly said in a loud tone of voice, “STOP! Stop right there!” That would spell the end of our working relationship right there for me. No one should ever speak to you like that unless it’s something urgent like you’re in danger.
The better approach would be to nicely interrupt with an “Excuse me…” and go on to make your point if it needed to be made right then. Not harshly interject and interrupt.
Some of us let these types of behaviors slide all the time from people that we know. That’s totally ok if that works for you. If you know that your friend is like that, and “that’s just the way they are” and you let it roll off of you, then fine. That means you are aware enough to see their behaviors but don’t let them bother you.
For the rest of us, their behavior and our reaction to it should be an indicator that something is off. If you have someone like that in your life, you can still live with them or be friends with them, you just have to learn how to navigate their comments and advice.
Remember the old adage, “If everyone jumped off the bridge, would you do it too?” If your friend or whomever is offering extreme advice, do you have to take it? The answer is no. Only if it works for you. And it may well not if it’s extreme.
If they’re too extreme, then it might be better to put up hard boundaries or end the relationship. Only you know what’s best for you. No one else does. They may think they do, they may tell you what to do, but at the end of the day only you know. Let your feelings be your indicator. You got this!
Are you unsure if you have a strong personality? You can take a personality quiz, google the characteristics or ask your intuition! If you are dealing with a strong personality person, ask your intuition for guidance.
It won’t steer you wrong! It is your built-in GPS.
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
