Anyone ever tell you it’s not nice to feel a certain way? Or that you shouldn’t feel that way? It’s typical for people respond to our feelings this way. They think they’re helping.
But they’re not.
They’re Judging You
Really what they’re doing is judging. Or shaming you. Or projecting their values onto you. It’s like, “I would never feel that way so you shouldn’t either!” Maybe they’re trying to protect you from yourself because you have a “bad” feeling. But they’re not. They’re not allowing you to feel what you want or need to feel. Whether justified or not.
Sometimes our first reactions to stressful situations aren’t nice but that’s common. Common doesn’t mean it’s right. It just means it happens a lot. Your initial reaction, especially if not considered nice, is what a lot of other people would feel too. That doesn’t mean it’s right but it means you aren’t the only one to feel that way. You can take comfort in that or not.
Once our friends or family start judging our feelings, then we do too. “I shouldn’t feel this way.” “I’m such a bad person to feel that way!” What does that get you? Nothing. First, they made you feel bad, now you’re making yourself feel bad. How did that help?
All I’m saying is that no matter what your reaction is to a situation, especially if your reaction is in the negative category like anger or resentment or unjustified, don’t judge yourself for it.
“Let me live my feelings.” That’s a quote that I heard the other day that inspired this.
Give Yourself Permission – it’s OK!
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. It’s ok to have your feelings. No matter what they are. Even if you keep them to yourself. Even if they are what’s considered “not nice” or not socially accepted. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, what does it matter?
Besides, where’s the “feeling police?” Who decides what’s not nice and what is? Yes, society, cultures, religions etc define that but what others think really doesn’t matter. It only matters what you think. And feel.
You could argue that you’re hurting yourself by harboring ill feelings.
And maybe you are.
Don’t Bottle Them Up
However, it’s better to feel your feelings or let your emotions out, even if it’s in the “wrong” way. Bottling them up can cause you to explode somehow. I’ve seen it. It can be messy like a soda can that was shaken before opening.
Bottled up emotions can come out many ways. The most common way is addiction. Let’s not forget that eating or drinking too much, even if it’s just “a little bit here and a little bit there” is in the addiction category or skating close to it.
When we don’t feel our feelings, it can cause us to be short-tempered, especially to our loved ones, or distracted or depressed. None of those are good. All because we didn’t allow ourself to feel our feelings. Or because we purposely stuffed them down in reaction to someone else’s assessment of them.
Accept Instead, No Stories
Instead, accept what you feel without judgement. Tell yourself it’s ok. It’s ok to be madder than what’s acceptable or madder than someone else is. It’s ok to be sadder than you “should” be. The only judge here is you. Forget what everyone else is saying. This isn’t permanent.
Let the feelings flow through you. Sit with them. If you can’t, go kick a can or some harmless object to get your anger out. Go to the gym. Take a run. If you’re sad go have a good cry. No one says you can’t! Except maybe you. In this case, ignore yourself!
To get relief from that ill feeling is to let go of any meaning. There is no right or wrong feeling no matter what anyone says. Or society. No judging your feeling. Just have it.
When we don’t judge we don’t assign the feeling a charge. When we judge, it’s giving the emotion and the situation energy, a charge. It’s telling a story around it such as “I really shouldn’t feel this way.” Or “I’m a bad person to feel this way.” Don’t. Don’t give it meaning. No saying to yourself “I’m so stupid for what I did.” Just feel the emotion.
You feel what you feel and that’s ok. If it feels bad let it. If you block it then you are defeating the purpose, you’re suppressing it. You will move on eventually but right now this is where you are. Allow yourself to feel it.
Most of us are too scared to feel our feelings. Because society tells us it’s not cool. Because our parents said it’s not “manly” or too weak or whatever. Ignore that. Feel it.
You don’t have to wallow in it. You can if you want, but it’s not required. Think of it this way:
It’s like people who work in an ice cream shop. The first week someone works there they eat all the ice cream they want until they practically get sick. The next week they’re sick of it. They don’t want any. They’ve had enough.
Indulging helps the craving go away. That’s why some of the best diet advice is allow yourself to have a treat once in a while. But enjoy it while you do. Then you’ll have satisfied your craving and you can get back onto the diet. Scratch the itch. Then the itch goes away.
Feel the feeling as a way to let it go.
If it gets too uncomfortable or you find yourself craving more of those negative feelings, then let your Higher Self know that you want it to stop. Then work to let it go. If you feel like you are blocking it then you haven’t let it go. Or not all of it. Keep on releasing. Keep letting it go. Check out my other posts on healing and letting go for some pointers.
Bottom line is: allow yourself to feel. Even the bad stuff. If anyone else tells you that your emotions aren’t nice or right, then that’s judging you. That’s not nice. That’s really them not being nice to you even if they think they are. They’re not respecting you and your feelings. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Tell them I said so!
If you aren’t sure if I’m right about feeling your feelings, then you don’t have to believe me. Who can you believe for the right answers?? YOURSELF!
How do you know if you’re right? Ask yourself, your Higher Self, your INTUITION!
If you’re not confident in your intuition, then develop it. I’ll show you how.
Many of my clients have said that they want to learn how to develop their intuition. Because of that, I developed this easy-to-follow do it at your own pace, online course. It’s packed with tips, hacks and how-to exercises.
If you want to confirm that you have it, learn how to listen to it, how to talk to it and how to trust it start by CLICKING HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself and get what you want out of life!
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