Losing a Loved One

Over the years I’ve read for many of you who have lost a loved one. While my heart went out to you, I had never experienced a meaningful loss. My grandparents died when I was a lot younger. Since we lived out of state and wasn’t able to develop a much of a relationship, I wasn’t close to them. Now I’ve “joined the club.”  Recently my dad passed away. I was so fortunate to have had him so long. He was 94 years old.

I totally get it that you can no longer call them on the phone or go see them or give them a hug. I knew that before my dad passed away, but now it’s real.

Let Go of Regrets

There are things I wish I had done like make a video of my dad, especially of him telling old stories. Not living in the same state, I didn’t get a lot of things done with him I wished I had.  Now that he’s gone there’s no point in having regrets.

For those of you who have regrets over a loved one that passed away, I urge you to let them go. Once they are gone, we can’t turn back the hands of time and do the things we didn’t do. And we can’t do them going forward either. Therefore, regrets clog up your brain cells and use up precious energy. Since my dad passed away I told him I had some regrets and I heard him in my head say it’s ok because I can talk to him any time I like. True, it’s not the same, but I’m thankful for the new connection I have with him.

Forgive Now

If you have a rocky relationship with someone who is sick, best to work on forgiveness before they pass. It’s easier that way. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for you. Once you’ve forgiven them and they are still alive, you have the chance to have an improved relationship with them. Trust me, it’s worth every ounce of effort to do this.

I had a rocky relationship with my dad growing up. When I became a mother is when I forgave him. Once you become a parent you understand what parenting is like and how even the best of us mess up at times. We’re human. Parenting is definitely not easy.

Once I forgave my dad our relationship changed immensely. We were able to have the interactions I desired. He was able to be there for me in a way I had never experienced before. I was so glad I turned the corner and forgave him, especially now that he’s gone. My conscience is clear and we ended on a very high note. My dad was able to tell each and every one of us he loved us before he passed. That is a gift I will always treasure.

Before he passed, some of my siblings admitted they hadn’t gotten over the trauma with my dad.  I urged them to work on it now. As our days with him were limited, there wasn’t really enough time. It is up to them to make peace with him in their heart as now he’s at eternal peace.

They’re Always with Us

Our loved ones are always with us. They have left their body, but their soul is eternal. They are around us, we just have to call out to them. In my head I voiced a few regrets over my dad. Then I heard him reply not to worry, it’s all ok. True, I’ll never get that video of him, but I’ll always have him in my head and in my heart. And you do too.

You don’t need to be a medium to talk with your deceased loved one. Mediums are those that can communicate with souls that have crossed over. Your loved one is always around you. You just need to talk to them. They can hear you. If you haven’t developed the ability to communicate with them, they know that. More than likely then they will give you other signs like turn off lights or move objects in your home to let you know they’re there. So far, my dad hasn’t done any of that and I’m kinda waiting for it. While he may not be moving objects to get my attention, I hear him in my head any time I want to talk with him. During the funeral he told me how lovely it was and how glad he was people attended. Once as I was crying during the service, he filled me with love instead and my crying stopped. I doubt our deceased loved ones will take away our grief or stop our crying every time because as humans we need to experience those emotions to process it. It’s ok to cry.

They May Come in Dreams

Loved ones often come in dreams. I have not yet had that experience but I know others who have. If it seems so real it’s because it is. The reason they are easily able to come into our dreams is because our mind isn’t busy. When we’re constantly thinking or overwhelmed with grief, they can’t puncture our consciousness. When people are crying their eyes out is often when they want their loved one to come to them, but the irony is that they can’t because our intense emotions can’t let them through. Our mind needs to be clear and calm for them to effectively come through.  The reason I believe my dad was able to calm me is because I wasn’t crying hard and I already have a strong psychic connection with him. You can build that muscle too.

Grieving is a process and it takes time to get through it. Several people recently all told me the same thing – it takes about three years until they started feeling better. One lady told me even after ten years she can still get triggered by a memory. I know I’ll have good days and bad days, but I know my dad is always with me. Your loved ones are always with you too. Know that they love you and the past is the past. They’re over it. We can be too.