What are You Resisting?
Resistance is about fear. There’s something we’re afraid of so we dig our heels in and won’t do whatever it is we’re afraid of. Oftentimes we don’t know we’re afraid. That’s when we beat ourselves up by saying things like, “I really should be doing ‘x’” or “I don’t understand why I can’t get it in gear to do ‘x.’” Then we spin our wheels judging ourselves instead of looking at what’s really going on – fear.
Peel back the layers
If there’s a project at work or home that you keep avoiding, why? Keep digging, you’ll find the answer – fear. We’ve talked about that before. If you lack the skills, get them. If you lack the knowledge, get it. Fear over things we can control like taking a course to get certified in something or watching a video to solve a problem are easy enough to solve. Just do it.
When there’s an emotional issued tied to our fear that can’t be solved by taking a course etc., is when it gets a bit trickier.
Sometimes we get in resistance for protection. If you were abused, betrayed, lied to etc., it might be too painful to look at it so you don’t. You pretend it didn’t happen. The incident doesn’t have to be severe to have this reaction. If it’s too painful to revisit, resisting it is your mind and body’s way of protecting you. Maybe it’s not time to let it go. Maybe there’s a lesson in there you haven’t seen yet. Until you do, perhaps it’s best not to address it yet. In that case the resistance is protecting you.
Let’s say your husband or best friend betrayed you. Your knee jerk reaction might be to tell him off, freeze him out or even divorce. Other people might be so upset by it they do nothing. It’s ok to do nothing sometimes because if we aren’t ready to take an action or we take an action out of anger, it can backfire.
If it’s too painful to realize your husband or friend betrayed you and you don’t want to look at it, that’s resistance protecting you. You’re not ready yet to deal with it. There’s a lesson in there for you to learn. We never get the lessons when we’re angry so we have to calm down to get them.
Look at the Situation Objectively
Once you’re calm you can look at the situation objectively and then decide what to do. If you’re still resisting, then you’re not ready to deal with it yet. That’s your mind protecting you not to do anything in haste. In this case, resistance is a good thing. When you’re ready, you’re ready and not a moment before.
As humans I believe we’re innately good. We want to do good and be good. That’s why we have a propensity to beat ourselves up if we don’t do good. When we encounter resistance it’s easy to beat ourselves up and tell ourselves we’re a failure for resisting. Usually, as I said, we’re not a failure. We’re protecting ourselves because we’re not ready to deal with whatever we’re resisting.
People who have been abused take time to work through the layers. They don’t get over it overnight. Again, the resistance maybe protecting them for things they aren’t ready to deal with yet.
The good news is resistance is also a sign that you’re about to move ahead and potentially with great force. Like the caterpillar erupting from its cocoon, the time is now. You bust out of your cocoon and spring into action. That’s when you’ve conquered the resistance and you’re ready to move forward.
How Do You Get Over it?
Look resistance in the eye and ask what it’s about. What are you resisting? Sometimes we don’t even know what we’re resisting so first ask that question. We could be feeling de-motivated or “not in a good place.” Ask yourself what you’re resisting. Be honest.
If you’re not sure start journaling. That’s when our subconscious mind can come to the surface to give us clues and answers. If that doesn’t help you, consult a professional. Talk to someone you trust. Ask your higher self or guides to show you. Find a way to get to the root of it.
Then ask yourself why you’re resisting it. Many times, it’s obvious what we’re resisting, but not why. Getting to the why is the juicy nugget. You’ll find there’s a fear there.
That’s when you can look fear in the eye and classify it. Is it a fear over something I can control like getting a new skill set? If yes, do it.
Is it a fear over an emotional issue? As I said, that’s a bit trickier because sometimes we’re not ready to let go of it for protection. Drill down for the why. Depending on what it is, you’ll know how and when you want to deal with it. Maybe the time isn’t now. That’s ok. Just knowing what the resistance is about, now you can form a game plan to deal with it.
What’s Your Game Plan?
The game plan might be you set it aside for a month or two, then re-visit it. That’s perfectly ok. Most things in life really don’t have to be done right away. We just think they do because we’re always in a hurry. It’s a sign of our culture – do, do, do it now. It really is ok to postpone things if we’re not up for it. Give yourself permission.
Giving yourself permission to put it off is not ignoring it, it’s saying to yourself that you’re not ready and you’re ok with not being ready. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves because of messages in society.
When you’re ready, you’re ready. When you’re not, you may be in resistance and sometimes that’s quite ok. Let yourself off the hook. You’ll feel better.
And then, you’ll be the caterpillar busting out of its cocoon ready to take on the world.