Our self-talk can really do a number on us! That’s why it’s important to listen to it yet not listen to it. Listen to it so that you can identify when you are doing it, then don’t listen to it so you can ignore it.
Listen to it so you know what’s really bothering you. Don’t listen to it because often it’s fears and worries. These thoughts are your alert system letting you know what’s really going on with you so then you can overcome them by breaking them down.
It’s Really Not a Catastrophe
When we’re dreading or worrying about something we tend to catastrophize, i.e. think the worst. Our brain goes crazy outlining and detailing every possible worst-case scenario. The end result? We either get analysis paralysis where we end up doing nothing because we are overwhelmed with bad information, the catastrophic stories we tell ourselves. Or we take potentially faulty action because we’ve pre-paved our way with negative thoughts.
Recently I needed to have a delicate conversation with a somewhat volatile person. The night before my brain kept turning it over. I kept thinking of all the worst things that could happen – we would never speak again, our relationship would end, etc. etc. etc. None of which obviously I wanted to happen! Needless to say, I woke up early the next morning because I couldn’t turn my brain off!
Before calling her, I took a deep breath and reviewed what I wanted to say. I didn’t have a script, but I wanted to make sure I hit a few key points. It turns out, how I said it wasn’t what I had outlined in my head, but it totally worked.
The good news is it went very well. We talked it out. I knew things were bothering her, that’s why she kept blowing up at me. I gave her the platform to air her grievances, which weren’t about me, as I figured. She was upset about other things in her life and was taking it out on me. I knew that, but that didn’t make it right. Nor would I allow it to continue because it was taking its toll on me being the punching bag despite my efforts to get her to curb her tongue.
When the catastrophic thoughts were popping up the night prior, I identified them as such. That allowed me to blow them off, to tell myself those are just fears. They won’t happen if I keep my cool. And I did. Because I was able to assuage my fears by recognizing them as such, I didn’t get paralyzed. I took action.
Don’t Allow the Thoughts to Come True
I also didn’t allow them to pre-pave my experience. Meaning, “where attention goes, energy flows.” If you are thinking constantly of all the things that could go wrong, there’s a good chance that you could bring them to you. So, don’t do that! Or they may slip out of your mouth because you’ve been repeatedly thinking them. You don’t want that either.
Whenever I am worried, especially about how someone will react in a situation, I don’t allow myself to dwell on the possible negative outcome because I don’t want it to come true. Sometimes I go a step further and send them love and light to diffuse the situation. But if I’m too worried and that’s too much of a stretch, then at a minimum I stop the negative thoughts.
Your Emotions are Like an Antenna
People can’t read our minds (thank goodness!), but they can pick up energy, your emotional energy. Our emotions are like antennas sending out signals that others can feel. If you are worried about a negative result going into a conversation, the other person can pick up on that, especially if they are sensitive or highly intuitive. There’s a reason the saying exists that fear is palpable. It’s not just dogs that can sniff out fear, humans can too.
When people pick up on emotions they tend to react. Either they see them for what they are and don’t get sucked in or they go unconscious and react. See my previous blog posts on getting triggered.
If you believe your negative thoughts, there’s a good chance that you will make them come true. Or at a minimum, ruin your day. To avoid that either do your best to block them or drill down and identify them. Shine the light into the dark corners of your negative thoughts. Identify them for just that – fear or worries.
Once you know what they are, there’s no reason to be scared anymore. It’s like a child being afraid of the dark. They may think there’s a boogeyman hiding under the bed but once mom enters the room, turns on the light and looks under the bed, the fear is gone. There are no boogeymen. Fear is dispelled because there is no threat.
Do the same things with your thoughts. Look them in the eye and know they aren’t real. Some of them may seem really convincing, but if you break them down, I’ll bet you can poke holes in them.
Is the Fear Real or Not?
How can you know if they’re just a fear or there’s a real threat?
Ask your intuition. Feel into it. Fear feels different than truth. Anxiety feels different than truth. You might feel fear or anxiety in one place in your body and truth in another. It’s different for everyone.
A friend of mine feels fears in her gut and truth in her heart. I don’t get visceral feelings being claircognizant. I just know. I know something is a fear or I know something isn’t fear. Claircognizance is hard to describe, but if you have that clair, then you know what I mean, no further explanation needed.
If you don’t feel you’re in touch with your feelings or intuition enough to know then get logical. What’s the likelihood that this will really come true? Nine times out of ten, the likelihood is zero or close to it. We can’t live our lives getting all worked up about something that has a small possibility of coming true. It’s not healthy to stress ourselves out like that. Based on probability alone, let the fears go. It’s not worth it.
To summarize – listen to your thoughts so that you can identify them. If you find they’re all nonsense and stories, discard them. Let them go. Hit the delete key in your mind. They serve no purpose and can definitely derail you before an important conversation or making a major decision. Clear your head before either of those. Get straight on what you want. Then take a breath and go for it.
Just remember – don’t believe everything you think! Because usually it’s not as bad as you think!
Are you unsure whether your thoughts are fear or anxiety? Do you question yourself as a result? What do you do about it? Ask your intuition! It will guide you. It won’t steer you wrong!
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
