We often talk about the monkey mind or busy brain. It’s when your thoughts repeat themselves, go round and round in a loop or just many thoughts nonstop. I can’t stress enough how important it is to pay attention to what you’re thinking about!
What do you say to yourself all day? What do you say to yourself in certain situations?
The reason this is important is because “where attention goes, energy flows.” Meaning, the more you think about something, the more you could make it come true or at least prevent the opposite from happening. We can convince ourselves that something is true to the point that we now believe it! Or just stay stuck because we can’t move past these lies and stories we tell ourselves.
This “evil repetition” is how patterns get started, how confidence is lost and motivation never happens. Every time you approach a situation that you’re afraid of it’s so engrained in your head that you can’t or won’t do it. You no longer believe you’re capable thanks to repetition!
It May be True, but You Don’t Need to Hear it!
Or seemingly harmless statements stop you from doing something or down shifts your mood. I suffer from fatigue often due to various things. When that happens, I often find myself saying in my head, “I’m tired!” What did I just do? I reinforced how tired I am!
It may be true; I am tired but telling myself that isn’t helping. It’s stopping me from getting anything done or finding a way to amp up my energy.
Telling yourself that you’re afraid you can’t make it on your own if you’re facing a divorce certainly isn’t helping the situation! That’s your fear getting in the way! Again, it may be true, but you’re afraid of it.
The solution?
Stop thinking that destructive thought and take action!
If you don’t think you can support yourself in a divorce, then start planning now. Don’t wait until it’s too late!
Recently I had a client who is going through just that. She’s in the middle of a divorce, has a toddler, hasn’t worked in several years and is finishing up her degree. She’s terrified that she can’t support herself post-divorce.
Her circumstances may be telling her the truth – how can she support herself given those conditions? But the point is, there is a way somehow. Now is the time to find it.
Sometimes the Truth Doesn’t Just Hurt, it Doesn’t Help!
Her other concern is she’s so emotionally drained that she has no bandwidth to help herself. While that is a problem, a simple word shift can help tremendously. Stop telling yourself that you’re drained or tired etc. It may be the truth but dwelling on it isn’t helping. In the therapy world they often call that “stinkin’ thinkin.”
While telling ourselves the opposite is true – in her case that she feels great, everything is fine – doesn’t help because she knows it’s not true. That’s why affirmations are tricky. We know it isn’t true, so our subconscious is going to reject it. The bigger the stretch from the truth, the more we’ll reject it.
If you can’t believe the opposite, my advice, just say nothing at all! Don’t continuously tell yourself you’re drained even though you are. Just leave that out of that running dialog in your head. Faking it til you make it may not work here. So don’t force it.
What do I do Instead?
Instead try to focus on solutions.
Because guess what?
When you turn your focus to solutions, what does it do? It takes the focus off the problem!
It then gives you the room to think about something else which could lead to taking action.
In her case, start focusing on finishing her degree and figuring out how to make money, not how she can’t do it. If that’s still too much of a stretch right now, then focus on anything productive or positive. ANYTHING.
Some days when I’m really tired, I force myself to do something – anything! Then later in the day I do a running checklist in my head to showcase my accomplishments to myself. Just knowing that I did the laundry and unloaded the dishwasher is enough to make me feel gratified. I got something done!! I’m proud of myself for getting myself into gear even when I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t overdo it, but I also didn’t do nothing.
On the days that I feel good I’m a whirling dervish of accomplishments. I don’t need to enumerate them in my head. I know I felt good and I know that I got things done. I may take a moment to pat myself on the back because it’s such a nice contrast from the down days, but it’s not necessary in terms of motivation.
The Energy Has to Go Somewhere!
If you’re in a tough spot of any type or facing a difficult situation, watch what you say to yourself! It really can make all the difference in the world. Once all the energy taken up telling yourself negative things is removed, space is freed up for action! As the laws of physics state, “Energy is neither created nor destroyed,” that negative chatter energy has to go somewhere! Channel it into positive talk or action.
Since the energy is now free you are creating space to go somewhere else. Just not telling myself I’m tired all the time frees me up to do something! When I focus on “I’m tired” I stay tired and de-motivated. When I stop telling myself that I can actually do something. Even if I have to force myself to get up off the chair and into the kitchen, I did it. All because I shifted my mental chatter.
Hence your “mental chatter matters.”
For my client who literally is emotionally and physically drained, once she can stop telling herself that hopefully she too will free up some space to do something. It may not be the next big step she needs to take, but that’s ok. Baby steps are good when the distance between Point A and B is great.
When we were kids, my dad would threaten us into action by counting to three. We’d better have gotten something done by the time he got to three. Sometimes we weren’t terribly motivated (or in the case of a few of my siblings they just wanted to test him!), he’d extend it out by calling out, “Two and a quarter, two and a half, two and three quarters.” If we were really dragging our feet, we might even get two and seven eights!
He knew that we weren’t going to go the distance right away, so we got a bit of a grace period. That’s a negative example but you get the picture. Give yourself grace when you can’t get there all at once. Some steps are just too big. Baby steps are quite acceptable!
Just remember my new phrase, “your mind chatter matters!” It can help you get from Point A to B quicker than you think.
Are you plagued by busy brain? Do you question what to replace it with? Ask your intuition! It will guide you. It won’t steer you wrong!
If you want to learn how to listen to your intuition, how to talk to it and how to trust it by CLICKING
HERE.
Once you start listening to your intuition, you’ll be amazed how much your life clicks into place. Then you can truly start enjoying yourself. CLICK HERE to find out more!
